Listening to Passion - Famous One
I couldn't wake up again. I am seriously not a person to wake up at the crack of dawn, or around 6 plus for that matter and start my day. Its like, my bio clock thinks its still more or less midnight. Perhaps I ought to shift to Vienna, Austria? Where they are about 6 hours behind. Maybe then perhaps. I'll be a little bit better at functioning. But of course, I miss my Jazz music with the airwaves being dominated by nothing else than Classical Classics.
I haven't been "entertaining" my posts for the last few times. I'm been rather tired lately, can't really seem to focus and I don't really want to go around and get into a debate of complexities in my blog. Sometimes, we all have to just depress the clutch and let the car go into a free-wheeling position.
Anyway, short replies to En and Joline about liking girls. I guess I wrote that entire unbalanced article in a state of a highly demented mind. Perhaps I ought to just take back what I wrote and reconsider my words of choice. Complexities abound in every essay, as with weaknesses. That's why I prefer mathematics. Cos you can't really argue with a mathematical statement. Indeed, what is simple is true.
Speaking about cars. I realise that the driving circuits in Singapore are all more or less monopolized by gahmen driving organisations. And the private instructors have little leeway or opportunity to book them for practice. Notice that the "school" usually charges so much more, is terrifically leagalistic and beareaucratic in their functioning and always seem to be staffed by lots of stiffed-necked old people? I really wonder why its almost the same everywhere you go from HDB, EDB, PUB, PWD, etc. Much food for thought.
I was really tired at church the whole day. Coudn't really do my ministry work to the best of my ability and just felt totally jaded throughout Church today. I did feel renewed and refreshed after the service though. I guess Praise was good today, but worship was spoilt by all these irritating ushers who asked me to move out of where I was standing, so that they could arrange more chairs in the area I was standing. Not that I want to be selfish of sorts. But I only get that short period of time, once a week to worship God in His sanctuary. At least leave me alone to my own devices and allow me to enjoy this sacred moment with God.
Best thing was that after I had moved away. I could find NO other place to stand. Sigh. That totally spoilt my worship experience today and I was rather unhappy about it throughout the service.
Pastor preached a rather relevant message today, something that I have thought about a long period of time ago, but could never really find the words to express myself. I guess having such a bad communication disorder really stumps me at times when I wish to convey deep-seated and rooted feelings to others around me. Perhaps that's why I appear to the world as such a loveless and a totally uncaring person. Because i do not communicate my love for people in words. But I'd rather go this path, than to end up saying things and not meaning them. My word is my bond. I desire to say what I mean, and mean what I say.
A long time ago, I asked myself if I really loved God. Am I true to Him? Do I really love Him should my world fall apart? I couldn't really give myself a good answer. I couldn't convince myself that I loved Jesus with all my heart. Because it always felt that some part of me would give way, or give up, or let go, or just totally walk away from Him, in times of dire circumstances as well as testing? Sometimes I really wonder if I can survive the final few trials in my life? Looking at them from where I stand now, they seem all too tough and insurmounably difficult for me to overcome. How much do I love God? I can only say. "Not Much". As much as I want to proclaim that "I love God with all my heart and soul.". I feel that I will only be lying to myself and the people around me. Ask me if I love God. The answer will be yes. But ask me how much do I really really really love God. Then I have to be honest and say "Not Much". Its really a sobering thought.
The Church is built on the blood of the martyrs. I learnt that in church today. Would I die for God? Would I?
"He is no fool, to give what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose" - Jim Elliot
I learnt in CF, that Jim Elliot was one of the top students in Cambridge university many many years ago. He was from one of the richest families as well as a member of the British Aristocracy. But he gave up everything to become a missionary. I believe that he went to evangelise in Africa, but was eventually speared to death by the natives. So simple a cause. So much sacrifice one has to make in life.
Wanna be a Fool for Christ? Like the donkey that Jesus rode upon? Would our Prime Minister come into the NDP in a Trishaw? No! Much less the King of Heaven come into the presence of people riding on a DONKEY? But it is a comforting thought that Jesus is willing to use those who are the last, the least and the lowest, for His mighty work. I'm not much, honestly speaking. I don't have great brains, looks, education, wealth, personality and I'm more or less quite messed up. But yeah. I cried in school after I learnt that people like me, are the perfect candidates for God's work. Some people take a lifetime to learn humility and to be humble. After I learnt this revelation. I need not have any other proof to become humble. Because God uses people with humility. That all the glory may go to Him. And none to the worker. My command of Chinese is a disaster. But I really won't mind going into the missions field in China to spread the gospel as well as do social work there where the needs are even more dire than those in Singapore.
One thing is for sure. I want to be totally focused on God. And that nothing that ever comes my way, though I stumble and though I fall. I will keep my eyes focused on Him. Always. Now and forevermore. He is Rock of my Salvation, whom shall I fear? Weird. I'm boasting about my humilty. How much a contradition. But if you read this. I'm just writing this as honestly as I can, in as much as I can humble myself to. Forgive me, for I am not perfect. But I will keep changing for the better and to be more like Jesus. Everyday, I walk with my Lord. My favourite verse in the Bible sums it all up. The life that I want to live. Is with Jesus.
"For God is the strength of my heart and my PORTION forever" - Ps 73:26. Jesus is my PORTION. I chose Him. Always. Now and Forevermore. I just pray that I will hang on to Him, no matter what. It is something that I myself cannot guarantee. But I will hang on to Him. Until I can no longer hang on. And then, I'll just let Him hold me up.
Well, the rest of the day was simple. Just had a nice gathering at my Aunt's place for my grandma's birthday. We watched that "Brainiest Scholar" show and it is very interesting that there were two guys wearing the ACS tie on the show. I'm glad that one ended up to be 2nd in the show. Second brainest person in Singapore? Perhaps. I think it is excellent given that the first guy was a Harvard Graduate - most likely some RJC guy. Ah, the battle between Raffles and ACS fought out on national TV. But ACS isn't really known for studying right? Heh. RI may run singapore. But ACS will always OWN Singapore.
I couldn't wake up again. I am seriously not a person to wake up at the crack of dawn, or around 6 plus for that matter and start my day. Its like, my bio clock thinks its still more or less midnight. Perhaps I ought to shift to Vienna, Austria? Where they are about 6 hours behind. Maybe then perhaps. I'll be a little bit better at functioning. But of course, I miss my Jazz music with the airwaves being dominated by nothing else than Classical Classics.
I haven't been "entertaining" my posts for the last few times. I'm been rather tired lately, can't really seem to focus and I don't really want to go around and get into a debate of complexities in my blog. Sometimes, we all have to just depress the clutch and let the car go into a free-wheeling position.
Anyway, short replies to En and Joline about liking girls. I guess I wrote that entire unbalanced article in a state of a highly demented mind. Perhaps I ought to just take back what I wrote and reconsider my words of choice. Complexities abound in every essay, as with weaknesses. That's why I prefer mathematics. Cos you can't really argue with a mathematical statement. Indeed, what is simple is true.
Speaking about cars. I realise that the driving circuits in Singapore are all more or less monopolized by gahmen driving organisations. And the private instructors have little leeway or opportunity to book them for practice. Notice that the "school" usually charges so much more, is terrifically leagalistic and beareaucratic in their functioning and always seem to be staffed by lots of stiffed-necked old people? I really wonder why its almost the same everywhere you go from HDB, EDB, PUB, PWD, etc. Much food for thought.
I was really tired at church the whole day. Coudn't really do my ministry work to the best of my ability and just felt totally jaded throughout Church today. I did feel renewed and refreshed after the service though. I guess Praise was good today, but worship was spoilt by all these irritating ushers who asked me to move out of where I was standing, so that they could arrange more chairs in the area I was standing. Not that I want to be selfish of sorts. But I only get that short period of time, once a week to worship God in His sanctuary. At least leave me alone to my own devices and allow me to enjoy this sacred moment with God.
Best thing was that after I had moved away. I could find NO other place to stand. Sigh. That totally spoilt my worship experience today and I was rather unhappy about it throughout the service.
Pastor preached a rather relevant message today, something that I have thought about a long period of time ago, but could never really find the words to express myself. I guess having such a bad communication disorder really stumps me at times when I wish to convey deep-seated and rooted feelings to others around me. Perhaps that's why I appear to the world as such a loveless and a totally uncaring person. Because i do not communicate my love for people in words. But I'd rather go this path, than to end up saying things and not meaning them. My word is my bond. I desire to say what I mean, and mean what I say.
A long time ago, I asked myself if I really loved God. Am I true to Him? Do I really love Him should my world fall apart? I couldn't really give myself a good answer. I couldn't convince myself that I loved Jesus with all my heart. Because it always felt that some part of me would give way, or give up, or let go, or just totally walk away from Him, in times of dire circumstances as well as testing? Sometimes I really wonder if I can survive the final few trials in my life? Looking at them from where I stand now, they seem all too tough and insurmounably difficult for me to overcome. How much do I love God? I can only say. "Not Much". As much as I want to proclaim that "I love God with all my heart and soul.". I feel that I will only be lying to myself and the people around me. Ask me if I love God. The answer will be yes. But ask me how much do I really really really love God. Then I have to be honest and say "Not Much". Its really a sobering thought.
The Church is built on the blood of the martyrs. I learnt that in church today. Would I die for God? Would I?
"He is no fool, to give what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose" - Jim Elliot
I learnt in CF, that Jim Elliot was one of the top students in Cambridge university many many years ago. He was from one of the richest families as well as a member of the British Aristocracy. But he gave up everything to become a missionary. I believe that he went to evangelise in Africa, but was eventually speared to death by the natives. So simple a cause. So much sacrifice one has to make in life.
Wanna be a Fool for Christ? Like the donkey that Jesus rode upon? Would our Prime Minister come into the NDP in a Trishaw? No! Much less the King of Heaven come into the presence of people riding on a DONKEY? But it is a comforting thought that Jesus is willing to use those who are the last, the least and the lowest, for His mighty work. I'm not much, honestly speaking. I don't have great brains, looks, education, wealth, personality and I'm more or less quite messed up. But yeah. I cried in school after I learnt that people like me, are the perfect candidates for God's work. Some people take a lifetime to learn humility and to be humble. After I learnt this revelation. I need not have any other proof to become humble. Because God uses people with humility. That all the glory may go to Him. And none to the worker. My command of Chinese is a disaster. But I really won't mind going into the missions field in China to spread the gospel as well as do social work there where the needs are even more dire than those in Singapore.
One thing is for sure. I want to be totally focused on God. And that nothing that ever comes my way, though I stumble and though I fall. I will keep my eyes focused on Him. Always. Now and forevermore. He is Rock of my Salvation, whom shall I fear? Weird. I'm boasting about my humilty. How much a contradition. But if you read this. I'm just writing this as honestly as I can, in as much as I can humble myself to. Forgive me, for I am not perfect. But I will keep changing for the better and to be more like Jesus. Everyday, I walk with my Lord. My favourite verse in the Bible sums it all up. The life that I want to live. Is with Jesus.
"For God is the strength of my heart and my PORTION forever" - Ps 73:26. Jesus is my PORTION. I chose Him. Always. Now and Forevermore. I just pray that I will hang on to Him, no matter what. It is something that I myself cannot guarantee. But I will hang on to Him. Until I can no longer hang on. And then, I'll just let Him hold me up.
Well, the rest of the day was simple. Just had a nice gathering at my Aunt's place for my grandma's birthday. We watched that "Brainiest Scholar" show and it is very interesting that there were two guys wearing the ACS tie on the show. I'm glad that one ended up to be 2nd in the show. Second brainest person in Singapore? Perhaps. I think it is excellent given that the first guy was a Harvard Graduate - most likely some RJC guy. Ah, the battle between Raffles and ACS fought out on national TV. But ACS isn't really known for studying right? Heh. RI may run singapore. But ACS will always OWN Singapore.
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