Listening to Hillsongs YOUTH ALIVE - Perfect King
To those who left such encouraging comments in my comments box, Thank You.
There are more things to come. Mum has to go for an operation and now we're not even sure if we can afford the cost. Mum told me even in a class C ward, its going to be somewhere in the range of 8 to 10 thousand dollars, not inclusive of further complications. I could sigh, but its not worth sighing over. God will provide the money. This I just write here in simple faith.
My brother is taking his N-Levels. He's screwing up his future for good. He has no desire to study, no desire to even do well. He just wants to watch TV, play computer games, go out with girls, talk on the handphone, and do everything else possible except study. He's very childish, very immature, very foolish and has very shallow thinking and lacks even basic decent character. Another source of contention at home.
As much as I have a dysfunctional family (who doesn't?), I really have a messed/screwed up one, seriously. Sometimes I ask God why I got born into such a screwed up family. I'm not angry with God nor do I blame Him. But at least let me know why... Sigh, sad. I've never had a happy family for as long as I've lived in my life.
Its easy, really easy to lose your focus on God when things are going right. When its all fun and enjoyment and happiness, when everything's right... its easy to be deceived into thinking that such a situation will last forever. Things are tough, but I find it so much easier to focus on God. I don't know why...
Looks like things are going to get very complicated and very messy, I don't know. I won't even care about it since I've just dumped it all onto God already. It doesn't really matter to me. Its like I don't feel it anymore. There are many things I can't write down here, only because God wouldn't want me to pen them down. Its very sad the state things have become. And its just the beginning, its just going to get worse from what I can see down the road.
I thank God for the fact that I've not suffered anxiety, worry, panic attacks, fear, insomia. For that I have to thank God. My sleep has been incredibly peaceful and I even have happy dreams to boot. I usually have dreamless sleep, but for the last few nights, I've been having pleasant and happy dreams, like a totally inverse of what is happening in the real world. Whatever the future holds, I know I'll have to lean on God more and more. Because its definitely not going to get easier. There are major changes to be made and life is going to get tougher and tougher. I'm not dreading it since its inevitable, I'm postioning myself to better make do of the future situation.
I could be complaining bitterly to God for everything now and what I can see down the road. Not too long ago, I definitely would have. But strangely no such desire has cropped up in me yet. Not really that that I have no deisre to complain, or that "there's no point comlaining to God". Its like, I feel its part of God's Will for me. And I accept whatever He choses to put me through.
With regards to marriage. After what I've seen at home thus far, plus after having thought through the whole issue very carefully for a long period of time. It is better that I stay single. People think I'm crazy to make such a decision at such a "young age". But its only practical. Just looking at myself alone, my character, personality, potential earning power, maturity...I really cannot make it. Honest. The crux of the matter is that I don't know how to relate to people. I'm terribly emotionally inept, not to mention socially. I don't feel for others. A great flaw in my character.
When I told Merf what happened, he too was quite sad, perhaps even shocked that things have to turn out this way. Doesn't matter, I don't care about the things of this world. I'm more interested in the things of God. Have to keep my faith burning brightly, but if I can't burn brightly, then at least still burn. But whatever happens, I won't really care so much about what I'm going through. I'll just go through with it. There's cellgroup tonight and I'm going to go all the way to cellgroup to offer my sacrifice of praise to God. I'm chose NOT to be all doom and gloom. I chose to walk on my faith rather than my feelings. And I trust in the Lord with all my heart.
I've got the SAT II: Writing tomorrow. I've not even studied for it. Not even written a single practice essay. I failed it the first time percentile wise (32nd Percentile for a score of 550). Let' see what nonsense I can cook up this time. If there's one thing I really don't feel like doing, its this test, but given its absolute importance to my future. I'm just going to go to ACJC tomorrow, take the test and pray that God will write through me as well as give me the answers. I don't really care anymore. As much as mum wants me to go overseas and study, I think it might be wiser to stay in Singapore, even though the system here is rather screwed up.
If I am not wrong. God wants me to stay in Singapore. If I am right, my SAT Scores will be another disaster. Let's wait and see for what I can say about the results 3-5 weeks down the road.
Thanks mei. You are forever so encouraging towards me. Thank God for you. Someday, I'll repay your kindness - somehow. =hug=
There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find
There is none like You
There's this very old song I used to Sing at chapel back at ACS(Barker) when I was in sec 1:
I worship You Almighty God
There is none like You
I worship You
Oh Prince of Peace
That is what I long to do
I give You praise
For You are my righteousness
I worship You Almighty God
There is none like You
Truly, there is no one else like God, whose one and only begotten Son in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior!
To those who left such encouraging comments in my comments box, Thank You.
There are more things to come. Mum has to go for an operation and now we're not even sure if we can afford the cost. Mum told me even in a class C ward, its going to be somewhere in the range of 8 to 10 thousand dollars, not inclusive of further complications. I could sigh, but its not worth sighing over. God will provide the money. This I just write here in simple faith.
My brother is taking his N-Levels. He's screwing up his future for good. He has no desire to study, no desire to even do well. He just wants to watch TV, play computer games, go out with girls, talk on the handphone, and do everything else possible except study. He's very childish, very immature, very foolish and has very shallow thinking and lacks even basic decent character. Another source of contention at home.
As much as I have a dysfunctional family (who doesn't?), I really have a messed/screwed up one, seriously. Sometimes I ask God why I got born into such a screwed up family. I'm not angry with God nor do I blame Him. But at least let me know why... Sigh, sad. I've never had a happy family for as long as I've lived in my life.
Its easy, really easy to lose your focus on God when things are going right. When its all fun and enjoyment and happiness, when everything's right... its easy to be deceived into thinking that such a situation will last forever. Things are tough, but I find it so much easier to focus on God. I don't know why...
Looks like things are going to get very complicated and very messy, I don't know. I won't even care about it since I've just dumped it all onto God already. It doesn't really matter to me. Its like I don't feel it anymore. There are many things I can't write down here, only because God wouldn't want me to pen them down. Its very sad the state things have become. And its just the beginning, its just going to get worse from what I can see down the road.
I thank God for the fact that I've not suffered anxiety, worry, panic attacks, fear, insomia. For that I have to thank God. My sleep has been incredibly peaceful and I even have happy dreams to boot. I usually have dreamless sleep, but for the last few nights, I've been having pleasant and happy dreams, like a totally inverse of what is happening in the real world. Whatever the future holds, I know I'll have to lean on God more and more. Because its definitely not going to get easier. There are major changes to be made and life is going to get tougher and tougher. I'm not dreading it since its inevitable, I'm postioning myself to better make do of the future situation.
I could be complaining bitterly to God for everything now and what I can see down the road. Not too long ago, I definitely would have. But strangely no such desire has cropped up in me yet. Not really that that I have no deisre to complain, or that "there's no point comlaining to God". Its like, I feel its part of God's Will for me. And I accept whatever He choses to put me through.
With regards to marriage. After what I've seen at home thus far, plus after having thought through the whole issue very carefully for a long period of time. It is better that I stay single. People think I'm crazy to make such a decision at such a "young age". But its only practical. Just looking at myself alone, my character, personality, potential earning power, maturity...I really cannot make it. Honest. The crux of the matter is that I don't know how to relate to people. I'm terribly emotionally inept, not to mention socially. I don't feel for others. A great flaw in my character.
When I told Merf what happened, he too was quite sad, perhaps even shocked that things have to turn out this way. Doesn't matter, I don't care about the things of this world. I'm more interested in the things of God. Have to keep my faith burning brightly, but if I can't burn brightly, then at least still burn. But whatever happens, I won't really care so much about what I'm going through. I'll just go through with it. There's cellgroup tonight and I'm going to go all the way to cellgroup to offer my sacrifice of praise to God. I'm chose NOT to be all doom and gloom. I chose to walk on my faith rather than my feelings. And I trust in the Lord with all my heart.
I've got the SAT II: Writing tomorrow. I've not even studied for it. Not even written a single practice essay. I failed it the first time percentile wise (32nd Percentile for a score of 550). Let' see what nonsense I can cook up this time. If there's one thing I really don't feel like doing, its this test, but given its absolute importance to my future. I'm just going to go to ACJC tomorrow, take the test and pray that God will write through me as well as give me the answers. I don't really care anymore. As much as mum wants me to go overseas and study, I think it might be wiser to stay in Singapore, even though the system here is rather screwed up.
If I am not wrong. God wants me to stay in Singapore. If I am right, my SAT Scores will be another disaster. Let's wait and see for what I can say about the results 3-5 weeks down the road.
Thanks mei. You are forever so encouraging towards me. Thank God for you. Someday, I'll repay your kindness - somehow. =hug=
There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find
There is none like You
There's this very old song I used to Sing at chapel back at ACS(Barker) when I was in sec 1:
I worship You Almighty God
There is none like You
I worship You
Oh Prince of Peace
That is what I long to do
I give You praise
For You are my righteousness
I worship You Almighty God
There is none like You
Truly, there is no one else like God, whose one and only begotten Son in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior!
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