Listening to Nobuo Uematsu, Masashi Hamauzu (Final Fantasy SoundTrack) - Someday the Dream Will End
This song is incredibly sad and describes very much how I feel at this moment in time. My life is going to change drastically because of the events that happened yesterday. So far, the only person that I've confided in and talked to is Aunty Ros, and even she cannot help me nor provide a solution.
Its so weird that even though so many people in school dislike her, she is the only one with wisdom great enough to give counsel and advice. I will always respect her and she will always be someone that is like a lighthouse in my life. Helping me steer through perilous waters and the many dangers in life. I cannot thank God enough for having her in my life.
After what has happened, I've come to the conclusion that my selfish desires must go and I must now be more loving and caring towards other people. I think I shall dedicate my life to helping other people. Not just social work, not just church ministry work, but more of just trying to love people and to love God. There is nothing much to live for in this life other than God. If there is no God, then life is not worth living.
My heart feels very depressed and heavy. Considering that I've numbed myself to emotions and that I don't feel feelings easily. I can just imagine how painful it is if I wasn't oblivious to emotions. I'll go pour it all out to God. There's no other place I can dump all my troubles and feelings than into the hands of God.
I will have to slowly get used to living alone and living independently. I'll have to be like my sis, Renee. She studies, gives tuition and lives independently. I'll have to juggle my destiny and my future. Life is not about parties and having fun. Nor is it about being in a relationship. For me, I don't think I will marry in this life. The instituition of marriage is not for me. I don't trust in it, nor to I believe in it or even then meet its prerequisite cut-offs.
I'll contineu to invest in good christian character. Forget everything else. If our president's scholar, Winston Chin can get 9 distinctions in his A levels and end up to be amongst the smartest guys in the country and then he can up to stage and just say plainly that "I count it all but a lost". It becomes apparent even to a genius how meaningless the paper chase for good grades is. I'm not going to trash my education. I'm still going to get my Ph.D someda and I will get it. But life isn't about studies, or education or earning big bucks or having a beautiful girlfriend to sleep with or driving around in a flashy sports car, or going to hip places in branded clothes to socialise superficially.
I'd rather go and help people. People from broken homes, dysfunctional families, suicidal youths, abused wives and daughters, victims of violence. The side that we so often chose to push out of the picture of life. I'd rather work with prostitutes, drug addicts, traffickers, gangsters, loan sharks, the elderly, the disabled, the sidelined, the cursed, the ostracised and those in prison. Its time to dedicate my short life for a better purpose, not to live for self, but to live for others. If other people don't, then who is going to meet their need?
For this I pray that God will put the ability to love others to an immense measure. That God will teach me and show me and give me the power to love like He loves people. I'd rather spend my life to help pick up those that have fallen badly, then to join those who are dancing happily in the pubs and clubs and discos. I have only one life to live for. Why not just make the best of it?
Its high time I cared for people, especially those people who have never experienced care in their life. But first, I have to learn to survive alone. Then I'll have to be a Good Christian by God's definition. But I'll start to help people now instead of selfishly spending my life away in front of my computer and my television. Life will never be the same again. I don't want to say, I just blog this for my own memory's sake. For my actions will speak louder than my words.
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger; and ye took me in: Naked and ye clothes me: I was sick and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I saw unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these by brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matt 25: 35-40
My life my be screwed up and messed up, but its not as bad as some other people.
This song is incredibly sad and describes very much how I feel at this moment in time. My life is going to change drastically because of the events that happened yesterday. So far, the only person that I've confided in and talked to is Aunty Ros, and even she cannot help me nor provide a solution.
Its so weird that even though so many people in school dislike her, she is the only one with wisdom great enough to give counsel and advice. I will always respect her and she will always be someone that is like a lighthouse in my life. Helping me steer through perilous waters and the many dangers in life. I cannot thank God enough for having her in my life.
After what has happened, I've come to the conclusion that my selfish desires must go and I must now be more loving and caring towards other people. I think I shall dedicate my life to helping other people. Not just social work, not just church ministry work, but more of just trying to love people and to love God. There is nothing much to live for in this life other than God. If there is no God, then life is not worth living.
My heart feels very depressed and heavy. Considering that I've numbed myself to emotions and that I don't feel feelings easily. I can just imagine how painful it is if I wasn't oblivious to emotions. I'll go pour it all out to God. There's no other place I can dump all my troubles and feelings than into the hands of God.
I will have to slowly get used to living alone and living independently. I'll have to be like my sis, Renee. She studies, gives tuition and lives independently. I'll have to juggle my destiny and my future. Life is not about parties and having fun. Nor is it about being in a relationship. For me, I don't think I will marry in this life. The instituition of marriage is not for me. I don't trust in it, nor to I believe in it or even then meet its prerequisite cut-offs.
I'll contineu to invest in good christian character. Forget everything else. If our president's scholar, Winston Chin can get 9 distinctions in his A levels and end up to be amongst the smartest guys in the country and then he can up to stage and just say plainly that "I count it all but a lost". It becomes apparent even to a genius how meaningless the paper chase for good grades is. I'm not going to trash my education. I'm still going to get my Ph.D someda and I will get it. But life isn't about studies, or education or earning big bucks or having a beautiful girlfriend to sleep with or driving around in a flashy sports car, or going to hip places in branded clothes to socialise superficially.
I'd rather go and help people. People from broken homes, dysfunctional families, suicidal youths, abused wives and daughters, victims of violence. The side that we so often chose to push out of the picture of life. I'd rather work with prostitutes, drug addicts, traffickers, gangsters, loan sharks, the elderly, the disabled, the sidelined, the cursed, the ostracised and those in prison. Its time to dedicate my short life for a better purpose, not to live for self, but to live for others. If other people don't, then who is going to meet their need?
For this I pray that God will put the ability to love others to an immense measure. That God will teach me and show me and give me the power to love like He loves people. I'd rather spend my life to help pick up those that have fallen badly, then to join those who are dancing happily in the pubs and clubs and discos. I have only one life to live for. Why not just make the best of it?
Its high time I cared for people, especially those people who have never experienced care in their life. But first, I have to learn to survive alone. Then I'll have to be a Good Christian by God's definition. But I'll start to help people now instead of selfishly spending my life away in front of my computer and my television. Life will never be the same again. I don't want to say, I just blog this for my own memory's sake. For my actions will speak louder than my words.
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger; and ye took me in: Naked and ye clothes me: I was sick and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I saw unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these by brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matt 25: 35-40
My life my be screwed up and messed up, but its not as bad as some other people.
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