I was lost in my thoughts the whole day about my disastrous personality. Am I so messed up that the only image I project to other people is that of a weird, crazy, eccentric person? Does my laughter border on madness in the minds of other people? Am I really crazy in my own right.
Yea, I know that my heart and my mind are fighting, but surely not to such a bad extent? Does not my care and concern for other people outweigh such flaws in my personality? Or is it all about personality and none on character? Honestly, I am confused. I think I really need to go seek professional help.
I'll pay myself. Such is too embarrassing to tell my parents. Funny how I inisistently upkeep an image of a "good boy" doing the "right things" in front of them.
I've been quite far from God. Honestly, I know that I am backsliding. It sucks. As much as I know I can run back to God. Its like this time I'm left alone to settle this.
How odd that I want to crawl back into my Father's Lap and yet at the same time have to restrain myself because I don't have the good relationship I've always desired to have with Him.
I'm going drinking with T Square this sunday. We'll finish the vodka from the prom. Funny how the same bottle of alcohol can celebrate happiness and yet drown sorrows.
To mei:I won't get myself drunk, promise
Today at Brani, classes were just on chartwork. As simple as the theory is, the practical is much much more difficult. Its so easy to use the parrallel rulers to help find angles and mark out bearings. It is hard to mantain the much desired accuracy. Its is so easy to go out of line. What more the need to plot accurately on a chart on the high seas.
After much trying and erasing, I managed to solve two simple questions. I felt like my mind was so tired: The feeling of having come out of an F maths exam.
The guys proceeded to watch an uncensored VCD during lunch time. The movie was "Road Trip" and it was broadcast using the projector. In case if you're wondering, there's a DVD player in class.
The movie was meant to be a stupid comedy, but there were some parts which would normally be cut out by the censors in Singapore. It's like the guys just enjoyed laughing and talking and cheering at the part when some of the girls in the show went topless in a locker room. Unnecessary setting I would say as the whole thing could have easily been done somewhere else.
Basically, the show was just about this guy who sent the wrong videotape of himself to his girlfriend in Austin, Texas. He meant to send one to his sick girlfriend depicting him playing a guitar. But had sent her a video tape of him having sex with another college girl (Yup, another uncensored scene) and how he and his buddies tried to save the situation.
Most of the actors are quite familiar faces, some having been on the normal sex-comedies like American Pie and the like of such shows.
The guys were just teasing me in class when it came to those "dirty" parts. I wish I wasn't in the room. Liangwei was convieniently somewhere else. Nevertheless, I turned my face away after seeing a little bit of the initial scene. What can I say, I think when I go to NYU, every movie will be like this. Oh i guess its just a "very mild" form of "persecution" for trying to live for God in front of other people?
I won't write more about my thoughts on sexuality. Its a much too complex topic for me and one that I don't talk about at all.
We had Drill. Sigh. I hate drills. They really really really really suck. And I just know today for our Passing out Parade on the 25th next month, we have TEN drill sessions each lasting at least 3 hours! Die lar! At least I know once I'm on active duty I will never be called up for drills training EVER again! That's a privilege of being in Coast Guard unlike other land divisions.
What's the point, having to practise for 30 hours to do it nicely for 30 minutes. A tremendous waste of time indeed.
Drill was about an hour plus of sheer torture and then we were allowed to go home. I had a drink with Atek, Gary, Adrian and Edmund. Seah Im rocks! Thank God there's a food center near the base, unlike Tracom where it would be Orchard or Toa Payoh.
Check out the size of the ice kachang Adrian ordered. It is IMMENSE! Biggest one I've seen in my miserably short life thus far.
Dinner was great, lunch gave me a bad stomachache - the food sucks again. Sigh. Like it came from the Prisons or something.
Tried to do my coast guard project, but failed when I realised that I was still lacking some materials. Nevertheless, it gave me a great time to browse through my extraordinarily messy study table and computer table.
Yea, I know that my heart and my mind are fighting, but surely not to such a bad extent? Does not my care and concern for other people outweigh such flaws in my personality? Or is it all about personality and none on character? Honestly, I am confused. I think I really need to go seek professional help.
I'll pay myself. Such is too embarrassing to tell my parents. Funny how I inisistently upkeep an image of a "good boy" doing the "right things" in front of them.
I've been quite far from God. Honestly, I know that I am backsliding. It sucks. As much as I know I can run back to God. Its like this time I'm left alone to settle this.
How odd that I want to crawl back into my Father's Lap and yet at the same time have to restrain myself because I don't have the good relationship I've always desired to have with Him.
I'm going drinking with T Square this sunday. We'll finish the vodka from the prom. Funny how the same bottle of alcohol can celebrate happiness and yet drown sorrows.
To mei:I won't get myself drunk, promise
Today at Brani, classes were just on chartwork. As simple as the theory is, the practical is much much more difficult. Its so easy to use the parrallel rulers to help find angles and mark out bearings. It is hard to mantain the much desired accuracy. Its is so easy to go out of line. What more the need to plot accurately on a chart on the high seas.
After much trying and erasing, I managed to solve two simple questions. I felt like my mind was so tired: The feeling of having come out of an F maths exam.
The guys proceeded to watch an uncensored VCD during lunch time. The movie was "Road Trip" and it was broadcast using the projector. In case if you're wondering, there's a DVD player in class.
The movie was meant to be a stupid comedy, but there were some parts which would normally be cut out by the censors in Singapore. It's like the guys just enjoyed laughing and talking and cheering at the part when some of the girls in the show went topless in a locker room. Unnecessary setting I would say as the whole thing could have easily been done somewhere else.
Basically, the show was just about this guy who sent the wrong videotape of himself to his girlfriend in Austin, Texas. He meant to send one to his sick girlfriend depicting him playing a guitar. But had sent her a video tape of him having sex with another college girl (Yup, another uncensored scene) and how he and his buddies tried to save the situation.
Most of the actors are quite familiar faces, some having been on the normal sex-comedies like American Pie and the like of such shows.
The guys were just teasing me in class when it came to those "dirty" parts. I wish I wasn't in the room. Liangwei was convieniently somewhere else. Nevertheless, I turned my face away after seeing a little bit of the initial scene. What can I say, I think when I go to NYU, every movie will be like this. Oh i guess its just a "very mild" form of "persecution" for trying to live for God in front of other people?
I won't write more about my thoughts on sexuality. Its a much too complex topic for me and one that I don't talk about at all.
We had Drill. Sigh. I hate drills. They really really really really suck. And I just know today for our Passing out Parade on the 25th next month, we have TEN drill sessions each lasting at least 3 hours! Die lar! At least I know once I'm on active duty I will never be called up for drills training EVER again! That's a privilege of being in Coast Guard unlike other land divisions.
What's the point, having to practise for 30 hours to do it nicely for 30 minutes. A tremendous waste of time indeed.
Drill was about an hour plus of sheer torture and then we were allowed to go home. I had a drink with Atek, Gary, Adrian and Edmund. Seah Im rocks! Thank God there's a food center near the base, unlike Tracom where it would be Orchard or Toa Payoh.
Check out the size of the ice kachang Adrian ordered. It is IMMENSE! Biggest one I've seen in my miserably short life thus far.
Dinner was great, lunch gave me a bad stomachache - the food sucks again. Sigh. Like it came from the Prisons or something.
Tried to do my coast guard project, but failed when I realised that I was still lacking some materials. Nevertheless, it gave me a great time to browse through my extraordinarily messy study table and computer table.
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