Listening to Beverly - No More Tears
Have to rush off for cellgroup chalet soon. Just came back from PATROL. Nonsense right? The rotten base changed me from sentry to patrol at the last minute. Normally, I'd welcome this change. But I need more time for today's cellgroup stuff and happily 2 hours has just gone down the drain. Well well, nevermind. "Tis, the season to be jolly" Right?
My mind is a blur now. All I can focus on is to "go to church". It seems that God is just the only anchor in my life and I'm swing around my anchor in an uncontrollable fashion. Perhaps I'm slowly seeping into depression again. But then again, I'm not sure. I have my little cat that keeps walking away from me for company.
My crew commander woke me up this morning my singing a medley of "Santa Claus is coming to town", "Rudolf the rednosed reindeer" and a couple of christmas songs. Wow. Talk about "morning call" man. Sometimes, I wish I could take a boat out all the way to the Eastern Buoy, the buoy 10 nautical miles out from singapore. Tie the boat to the buoy and just stare at the sea in its magnificence.
Last night, as I was trying to stay awake till the wee hours of the morning, I just happened to look up from the bow of the boat and it was a magnificent sight! A totally clear sky dotted with nothing but stars! Very rare do I see a sight like that! Most of the time, its just cloudy at night, or just simply too bright to see any stars. I counted around 330 stars, estimated according to some "star counting theory" that helps estimates stars by looking at the sky via both peripheral and binocular vision. Its beautiful.
China has some of the most beautiful stars at night. I was told it is possible to count up to 5000 stars in the deep countryside in China on a clear night. Looking upward brings comfort somehow, its hard to explain. Truly, Nature is God's greatest evangelist. The Heavens declare His glory.
There are many things I wish to say, debate, argue with myself. Inner conflicts perhaps. But I'm just so confused and muddle-headed that I can't really think straight right now. Sometimes, I look around in retrospeck and wonder where am I really going in life. I'm like a boat drifting in the current. Neither here nor there. The thing that really frustrates me in NS is that I seem to live a life without any purpose. Devoted to doing mindless activities of no benefit.
Is money everything there is in the world? Can a person have vast amounts of wealth and yet not love money nor be influenced by any potential corrupting power from the greed that lies within each one of us? Or does it simply amplify the worst parts of our character and give us the innate ability to do so with utter nonchalance?
Damn. I'm so jealous of Ashley's holiday. She's hot!
Hot enough to melt all the snow on a mountain in the Northern Territories. Ironically, that's where she is right now.
Winter Wonderland. I'm so jealous! I'm condemend to be "jailed" on this island for the next 2 years when air fare prices are dropping and everyone seems to be going overseas and enjoying themselves.
Have to rush off for cellgroup chalet soon. Just came back from PATROL. Nonsense right? The rotten base changed me from sentry to patrol at the last minute. Normally, I'd welcome this change. But I need more time for today's cellgroup stuff and happily 2 hours has just gone down the drain. Well well, nevermind. "Tis, the season to be jolly" Right?
My mind is a blur now. All I can focus on is to "go to church". It seems that God is just the only anchor in my life and I'm swing around my anchor in an uncontrollable fashion. Perhaps I'm slowly seeping into depression again. But then again, I'm not sure. I have my little cat that keeps walking away from me for company.
My crew commander woke me up this morning my singing a medley of "Santa Claus is coming to town", "Rudolf the rednosed reindeer" and a couple of christmas songs. Wow. Talk about "morning call" man. Sometimes, I wish I could take a boat out all the way to the Eastern Buoy, the buoy 10 nautical miles out from singapore. Tie the boat to the buoy and just stare at the sea in its magnificence.
Last night, as I was trying to stay awake till the wee hours of the morning, I just happened to look up from the bow of the boat and it was a magnificent sight! A totally clear sky dotted with nothing but stars! Very rare do I see a sight like that! Most of the time, its just cloudy at night, or just simply too bright to see any stars. I counted around 330 stars, estimated according to some "star counting theory" that helps estimates stars by looking at the sky via both peripheral and binocular vision. Its beautiful.
China has some of the most beautiful stars at night. I was told it is possible to count up to 5000 stars in the deep countryside in China on a clear night. Looking upward brings comfort somehow, its hard to explain. Truly, Nature is God's greatest evangelist. The Heavens declare His glory.
There are many things I wish to say, debate, argue with myself. Inner conflicts perhaps. But I'm just so confused and muddle-headed that I can't really think straight right now. Sometimes, I look around in retrospeck and wonder where am I really going in life. I'm like a boat drifting in the current. Neither here nor there. The thing that really frustrates me in NS is that I seem to live a life without any purpose. Devoted to doing mindless activities of no benefit.
Is money everything there is in the world? Can a person have vast amounts of wealth and yet not love money nor be influenced by any potential corrupting power from the greed that lies within each one of us? Or does it simply amplify the worst parts of our character and give us the innate ability to do so with utter nonchalance?
Damn. I'm so jealous of Ashley's holiday. She's hot!
Hot enough to melt all the snow on a mountain in the Northern Territories. Ironically, that's where she is right now.
Winter Wonderland. I'm so jealous! I'm condemend to be "jailed" on this island for the next 2 years when air fare prices are dropping and everyone seems to be going overseas and enjoying themselves.
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