Listening to Passion - One Pure and Holy Passion
As usual, I was half dead when I got out of bed this morning. I can't sleep at 11 and wake up at 6. My body clock is tuned to that of sleeping at about 4a.m and waking up towards 10 or so. And I have to have this live with me for the next 20 months of my life. I don't exactly fancy struggling to get out of bed every morning shift.
I reached base early and was sorely dissapointed to realise that I was once again, transferred from patrol duty to horrid sentry duty. They wasted my time coming early and I was so tired. It is such a killjoy when I expect to go out on the sea for patrol, only to realise that I have been reassigned at the last minute. Sentry duty today also means no photo taking opportunities. Well, perhaps till next time when I finally get to go out on patrol.
Apparently, one of the guys on sentry reported sick and I had to take his place. The best thing was that later we had extra manpower! Sigh. I guess as an NSmen, I'll always be at the mercy of the regulars. Even in the army, its more or less the same thing. As much as I wish to stay loyal to my country and love it more. Sometimes, I really feel that its not worth it. Call me selfish, but I think many on Pulau Tekan would not disagree with me.
For the whole day, I shared my duty with this other NSman. We took turns to just guard the jetty at the base. I caught up with about 2 hours worth of sleep while the other guy did his share of duty. In the end, I just ended up sitting on the jetty from 2 all the way to almost 9. Watching my life waste away. The only thing I could do was to see groups at the sea sports centre next to the base paddle their canoes and dragonboats. Given that the school holidays have begun, there was quite a large turn out of people having their share of fun while I just existed with no purpose.
As I am now in the process of simplifying my posts, I will no longer go into too much detail. So much for trying to keep a detailed online journal. It takes too long to type and besides, like mei says, I think people will get lost reading it. After all, I do not express my thoughts in a clear, concise and coherent manner. Communication disorder.
I've realised that I have such a wonderful friend, Nico. Its like both him and I share a large number of similar interests as well as dreams. I've been thinking about leaving this country for a very long time. At first my parents and friends disagreed with me on shifting. But given things the way they are now. I feel that it is wiser to leave permanently and set up a new life overseas. As I have very few friends, the lost of a few more will not matter so much. Even my mum agrees with me now that it is a good decision to migrate permanently.
I've chosen New York from Boston, Chicago and New York. Nico plans to leave Singapore for New York as well. So does Mark, he too has great dreams involving the Big Apple. I certainly hope to get my further education in the States, and then work for a while before setting up a business. I need a different environment to live in, work in, learn in and to relate in. Singapore's great, but sometimes, I feel that its just not my cup of tea.
This verse just came to my heart today:
"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart" - Psalms 37:4
What is the desire of my heart? Not to long ago it would be something directed to my selfish heart. No need to mention, we all know our own selfish desires. But what is the desire of my heart? Now I realise its all to be directed to God. Well, there are a few, no order of merit:
1)To be a person of excellent Christian Character
2)To be a living testimony, my life as a worship to Him
3)To know God, the way He knows me
4)To love God more
5)To bring the lost to Him
It is a commandment, after all, that we take the gospel to the ends of the earth. But how can I do something of that magniftude, if I am not even faithful in sharing the Good News with all my friends who do not know Him? It is not something that I can casually brush aside. Sometimes I don't understand why I don't have the passion for the lost and the unchurched. Is it a fundamental flaw in my belief system? Or is it that I just cannot be bothered and willingly chose to reject this commandment. But if it is a commandment, then it has to be done.
I feel that I do not trust God enough in this area - evangelism. I've let God down so many times in my life that it can no longer be counted. I love God, but I do not wish to say it out loud. Actions always speak louder than any words. I want to do it in silence, and then others might see my works and know that I really do love the Lord.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glofiy your Father which is in heaven" - Matt 5:16
I really want to worship you my Lord
You have won my heart and I am yours
Forever and ever
I will love you
You are the only one who died for me
Gave your life to set me free
So I lift my voice to you
In adoration
The world will never accept the existence of my King. Already, a wonderful relationship with a loving God is reduced to only that of "a religion". While it may be folly not to get involved with the defense of my faith. I leave it simple to avoid intellectual debates on the veracity of God. I simply want to avoid all the web of entanglements that the world puts up as obstacles to discourage and deceive the masses. All I want is simple Father-child relationship with God. What is simple is true. God is Great. I put my simple trust in Him. God puts no limit on faith. Faith puts no limit on God.
"He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not" - John 1:10
As usual, I was half dead when I got out of bed this morning. I can't sleep at 11 and wake up at 6. My body clock is tuned to that of sleeping at about 4a.m and waking up towards 10 or so. And I have to have this live with me for the next 20 months of my life. I don't exactly fancy struggling to get out of bed every morning shift.
I reached base early and was sorely dissapointed to realise that I was once again, transferred from patrol duty to horrid sentry duty. They wasted my time coming early and I was so tired. It is such a killjoy when I expect to go out on the sea for patrol, only to realise that I have been reassigned at the last minute. Sentry duty today also means no photo taking opportunities. Well, perhaps till next time when I finally get to go out on patrol.
Apparently, one of the guys on sentry reported sick and I had to take his place. The best thing was that later we had extra manpower! Sigh. I guess as an NSmen, I'll always be at the mercy of the regulars. Even in the army, its more or less the same thing. As much as I wish to stay loyal to my country and love it more. Sometimes, I really feel that its not worth it. Call me selfish, but I think many on Pulau Tekan would not disagree with me.
For the whole day, I shared my duty with this other NSman. We took turns to just guard the jetty at the base. I caught up with about 2 hours worth of sleep while the other guy did his share of duty. In the end, I just ended up sitting on the jetty from 2 all the way to almost 9. Watching my life waste away. The only thing I could do was to see groups at the sea sports centre next to the base paddle their canoes and dragonboats. Given that the school holidays have begun, there was quite a large turn out of people having their share of fun while I just existed with no purpose.
As I am now in the process of simplifying my posts, I will no longer go into too much detail. So much for trying to keep a detailed online journal. It takes too long to type and besides, like mei says, I think people will get lost reading it. After all, I do not express my thoughts in a clear, concise and coherent manner. Communication disorder.
I've realised that I have such a wonderful friend, Nico. Its like both him and I share a large number of similar interests as well as dreams. I've been thinking about leaving this country for a very long time. At first my parents and friends disagreed with me on shifting. But given things the way they are now. I feel that it is wiser to leave permanently and set up a new life overseas. As I have very few friends, the lost of a few more will not matter so much. Even my mum agrees with me now that it is a good decision to migrate permanently.
I've chosen New York from Boston, Chicago and New York. Nico plans to leave Singapore for New York as well. So does Mark, he too has great dreams involving the Big Apple. I certainly hope to get my further education in the States, and then work for a while before setting up a business. I need a different environment to live in, work in, learn in and to relate in. Singapore's great, but sometimes, I feel that its just not my cup of tea.
This verse just came to my heart today:
"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart" - Psalms 37:4
What is the desire of my heart? Not to long ago it would be something directed to my selfish heart. No need to mention, we all know our own selfish desires. But what is the desire of my heart? Now I realise its all to be directed to God. Well, there are a few, no order of merit:
1)To be a person of excellent Christian Character
2)To be a living testimony, my life as a worship to Him
3)To know God, the way He knows me
4)To love God more
5)To bring the lost to Him
It is a commandment, after all, that we take the gospel to the ends of the earth. But how can I do something of that magniftude, if I am not even faithful in sharing the Good News with all my friends who do not know Him? It is not something that I can casually brush aside. Sometimes I don't understand why I don't have the passion for the lost and the unchurched. Is it a fundamental flaw in my belief system? Or is it that I just cannot be bothered and willingly chose to reject this commandment. But if it is a commandment, then it has to be done.
I feel that I do not trust God enough in this area - evangelism. I've let God down so many times in my life that it can no longer be counted. I love God, but I do not wish to say it out loud. Actions always speak louder than any words. I want to do it in silence, and then others might see my works and know that I really do love the Lord.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glofiy your Father which is in heaven" - Matt 5:16
I really want to worship you my Lord
You have won my heart and I am yours
Forever and ever
I will love you
You are the only one who died for me
Gave your life to set me free
So I lift my voice to you
In adoration
The world will never accept the existence of my King. Already, a wonderful relationship with a loving God is reduced to only that of "a religion". While it may be folly not to get involved with the defense of my faith. I leave it simple to avoid intellectual debates on the veracity of God. I simply want to avoid all the web of entanglements that the world puts up as obstacles to discourage and deceive the masses. All I want is simple Father-child relationship with God. What is simple is true. God is Great. I put my simple trust in Him. God puts no limit on faith. Faith puts no limit on God.
"He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not" - John 1:10
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home