My mind is a blank. I have currently run out of feasible topics for which to blog upon. An empty writer's block stokes my mind in all nothingness. Chances are, outside of the topics I usually blog about: (1) Photography, (2) Memories of Schol and (3) NS. I don't have much left to say in life or about it. This is truly sigh-a-ble. Living the life of a monotonous, miserly existence. The last "most exciting thing" I did was to take a short walk by East Coast beach at about 2 in the morning - alone! Its an interesting place. From like 1a.m to 6a.m. All the people you see at The Beach.

I can see lovers snuggling up in the warmth of each other's arms even as the sea breeze blows so chillingly cold to bone. A revelational wind that just takes off the covers of singlehood with its raw biting honestly. And its just a breeze. Ok, besides all these happy couples (I assume that K is true for all values of N). There are also the usual slew of people hanging out in their conversations with loud music blasting away even as other struggle to sleep in a vain attempt to be calmed by the crashing waves of the efferverscent sea. The lone drunkard staggers with his mug of three quarters finished golden glow in his hands. Joyfully expressing his personal thoughts to the howl of the gale that never ceases. Of course, this is the scene at around 1a.m in the morning. Looks like a giant impromptu camp.



And as dawn arises. There is the meandering figure of a lone jogger. Body well sculpted toned and all. The casual roller-blader gliding in her stride even as the cyclists overtake. And people covering their eyes in disbelief that the gentle light blue hue of dawn attempts to awken their minds. Bodily rejecting such a disturbance of inner peace and serendipity. Sand in your feet is a great sensation, especially if one comes equipped with sandals that can resist the water's efforts to take them off your feet. The Beach is an intruiging place indeed. Watching the ships at anchor sway to the guidance of the current. And larger vessels slowly make their pass through international waters in the distance.

As much as I wish such a moment could last forever. Most of the time, I have a nagging doubt within myself. A pinching bite of reality that tells me that such a moment is really only fleeting temporary. There's much to be settled. Life goes on as they say. The wheels of time never stop of anyone. Even as I look into the future and ponder my life ahead of me. Its just a matter of two months minus a few days before I exit through the gates of arrival into adulthood as well as a perhaps more cherished responsiblity in life going to university. While I'll be lagging most of my peers by one month (darned national slavery policies!). That period of real free time is like going to be my holiday after so long. I went into NS just a week after the Prom. And everyone knows that for any average student in JC. The time from the last paper to the prom is a scant week and a half or so.



I still remember that last day of the A-levels. Design experiment. A one hour paper with an attempt of creativity as stipulated by the syllabus standing in the gateway of a milestone of life. True freedom from all that twelve years of school. I can almost see the uneasiness. The angst. The relief even as everyone gathered outside the badminton hall for the last paper. People were making plans on what movie to watch, where to go, what to do thereafter within 2 hours or so. Except maybe, the S-Paper students (who had the last laugh on results day!). The hall erupted in silent cheers and happiness even as "Your Time Is Up. Please Put Your Pens Down On The Table". Not that it mattered since almost everyone finished their diagrams within a few plain blocks of time.

And now I stand at the gateways of full adulthood. At the true cross roads of an awakening from that of a lazy student. To start to "think". And now, into the future. Isn't it strange that when we're young, we crave to grow up ever so quickly. But now that we've all grown up. It just feels "all too fast"? Maybe that's where the quote "Life is Short" really came from. It just... doesn't feel long. Like we've all grown up within two blinks of an eye. And now this pile of responsibilities looms. Its not just for self. But for others. Not directly friends or family. But others that we interact with. That our personalities and characters are exposed to day in and day out. I'm rusted and weathered sometimes I feel in terms of my relations with other people. Argh. My life is going to change so much this year, so much I'd say. Which I might share someday. Until then, I don't really know.



After seeing a good friend land into such a medical predicament. I am forced to examine my own health more closely. Something that I've neglected for long. A lack of good solid exercise, eating too much rich foods as well as leading a rather sedentiary life does not bode well for me. I plan to really ease up and exercise on a daily basis once I'm free. Right now is not such a good time, due in fact to my shift work. Believe me, after working shifts for almost two years. I can feel the destructive effects of a lack of sleep as well as a messed up body clock take its toil on me. I'm usually lethargic, usually tired and many a times, I've been falling sick with small ailments like cough and colds and flu every now and then. Yet I do not take MC and prefer to continue as per normal. I need to take care of my health. My body is probably the weakess part of my whole being right now.

Not much has changed in my "PES" status - Physical, Emotional and Spiritual. Physically I'm just not in the best of shape. Not in a shape of a person deserving of my age, especially in youth. Emotionally, I'm as cold and as shallow as ever. If you have ever wondered how come I do not usually engage in all these "feeling" stuff is that I just can't really "feel" much about it. Sad, but true. Sigh. And Spiritually? Its been tough. Very tough in fact and there's just so many things hanging me down right now. Its so easy to be angry with God. But I refuse, because He really is a good God through it all. I just need some time to myself. A spiritual retreat definitely as well as just lazing around to enjoy a few more pleasures in the dying days of my youth. And then its life proper ahead. Time to Grow up. To behave like one and to think like one. And handle responsiblities like one.



I was thinking about doing some social work. Besides my own dabblings with more picture taking. Yet I don't know. There are too many complicating factors that abound. Let's see how things go - sigh.