Let Us Bow Our Heads, Close Our Eyes in Prayer...
Let Us Bow Our Heads, Close Our Eyes in Prayer...
"Passion
"You should find what you love to do and do that. Because if you love what you do, you'll eventually be the best in it".
"I would rather be the best hokkien mee seller in Singapore, than to be an average doctor. Why? Because if I love my job so much cooking and selling hokkien mee, I'm sure going to be the best one, and when I am the best, the money will inevitably come my way". Power man. "Don't settle for the path of least resistance, living might mean taking some chances, but they are certainly worth taking. Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all."
I was walking around Orchard yesterday when I came across Kum Yan Methodist Church. One of my good friend in F Maths class always told me he attended this Church. But I had absolutely NO IDEA where it was, and I never asked him. Unlike "Kampong Kapor Methodist Church" where it is obvious where the church is located, for this one, I was a blur. Imagine my surprise when I was going to visit the Art Museum yesterday when I passed by that place. Yes, I'm one of those dry folks that actually find interest in an ART Museum, but I interpret art according to my terms and not some "experts". I realise one thing that small churches have that big churches lose out in: The Church Camp as well as games that the whole church/service/fellowship can indulge in.
As one might infer, there was a bunch of Christians, presumably one youth fellowship worth of people playing Captain's Ball in the church's compounds. Captain's ball is like the ultimate uni-sex game that blends Men's Basketball with Women's Netball. One could call it a "politically correct manner to address gender issues" as it compromises on both games to form a third that satisfies everyone. That was what one of my friends told me in AC.
This particular friend of mine in F Maths class is a guy named Kang Fei. He rocks F Maths lessons. If the "dynamic duo" of me and Ishvinder (The GREAT INDIAN MATHEMATICIAN) was funny. Kang-Fei really takes the cake. We were the only three jokers in the entire combi who chose to drop Econs in favour of F-Maths. Everyone thought that we were crazy to do as such. But really I don't care, I believe more in following my dreams rather than let other people's limited perception of reality discourage the desires of my heart.
I can safely say that Me, Ish and Kang-Fei were struggling LIKE MAD with F-Maths back in JC2. But nevertheless, we always propped each other up with positive comments and silly jokes to numb ourselves from the painful reality that we might actually screw up our A level F-Maths papers. Kang Fei is the ultimate joker. Once when the F-Maths lecturer put up a ranking for our tests scores for all to see, Kang Fei happened to be at the bottom. So the teacher said, "Kang Fei, I think you have to work harder...."
And then he answered, "But MA'AM! My name is only at the bottom of the list cos my surname starts with a 'y'!" At this instant, Ish and I laughed so hard both of us nearly fell off our chairs (we were rocking the chairs at the time). I think his sense of humour is really first class. His jokes are really funny. Yet at the same time, Kang Fei knows how to totally sober up from a laughing state and seek the Lord diligently. He too is a really devoted Christian that gives Bible study classes in his church. Once I picked up his bible that dropped out of his bag and I found to see like the whole book was practically highlighted as well as dog-eared and scribbled over with copious notes on Christian theology and doctrine. It really hit me that I haven't really been reading through my Bible as much as I should and studying it all the more diligently.
Once I asked him what would he major in whilst in the university and his instant reply was simply "Maths". And I asked him why. He just told me "Because I want to teach Maths". At this time, my F-Maths lecturer overhead a little bit of the conversation and tried to talk him out of it. He just stated quite firmly with a soft tone.
"Ma'am, I may not be the best student around. I may not be as smart as all the maths geniuses, GEPS and scholars. But I tell you ma'am, I'm going to the university, I will graduate with a degree in mathematics and I will come back here to replace you when you retire". She was absolutely dumbstuck.
Only then I realised why he chose to drop econs in favour of F-Maths. Why he choses to push through even though most of the time, the test results are discouraging. Why he choses to do something that others think of as foolish. It all just boils down to simple passion. And wow, it made me reflect on all my past decisions. Did I really drop econs because I really couldn't cope, or did I drop it because I spent practically all my time reading maths books and practising mathematics, even neglecting physics? Was I really bad in economics despite having rather intensive tuition for sometime, or did I just take the subject cos Dad recommended that I do so? Or simply was I shut off from a subject because I really liked the other one very much? This despite never scoring the grades I felt I really deserved?
Strange how even the funniest people in ACS can teach me the most self-reflective lessons in life. I'm sure Kang-Fei will do very well in university. The last I heard was that he qualified for a place in the Science Faculty in NUS and is soon to be a fully fledged army officer. But I believe that he too, will go overseas as his parents can more than afford it. I think he'll be an excellent teacher. Not because of a degree or higher mastery in Mathematics, but because he has a passion to teach the subject. Passion is probably something a lot of teachers lack nowadays. I might be generalising, but I find that most only do it for the sake of the money.
We need teachers who are truly passionate, truly committed to impart knowledge. The ability to think for self a solution. Not force students through a senseless ritual of memorisation and regurgitation. Even for F-Maths, the secret to doing well is not to be extavagantly smart. It is simply to memorise the necessary steps to arrive at the solution for the question. All the questions in the topics follow a particular methold of solving. Memorise the steps, then regurgitate them in favor of the question in the exam and do well. I believe that my friend Kang-Fei will be one of the next generation of AC Teachers that will just rock the set.
Imagine, the funniest maths teacher you ever ever had, who was cool, in touch with reality, able to relate to the students, having great passion for imparting knowledge, willing to go the extra mile(s) for weak students and all at the same time, living a life of excellence for Jesus. What a living testimony that would be! With such teachers, we don't need tuition anymore.
I could go on and on about who I saw inside the church compounds playing Captain's Ball. But that's another entirely complex lesson I've learnt in AC. Definitely another time."
- Extracted from my archives, from a post more than a year ago...
I last met Kang Fei at the ACJC J-Four Reunion dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe on the 23rd of December last year. He was in good health, excellent spirits and looking forward to heading off to NUS for his studies in Mathematics. He was looking forward to becoming a Mathematics teacher in ACJC one day. Having completed his tenure in OCS, he was now a fully commissioned and serving Officer in the Army. Like everyone else - Looking forth to his ORD date next month.
Kang Fei is a true blue ACSian. 13 years. And he is very proud of it. Definitely the only guy I know that has held the post of OGL twice in ACJC. In 2001 as well as 2002. I remember fondly one fine day, I believe it was a tuesday or wednesday. After the time of my prelimnary examinations. I was struggling badly with Further Mathematics Statistics. All that Chi-Squared distribution and stuff where we would need to study the resultant terms from a graphical calculator. Mavis was ever so helpful, perhaps even condescending when she suggested, "Alwyn, why don't you go to Kang Fei's place so that he can teach you some statistics?"
I look at Kang Fei one time. I nodded. He nodded and smiled. And later Kang Fei declared to Mavis when she asked, "where are the two of you going now?"
"Ma'am, he's coming to my house, so I can teach him some statistics". Mavis was taken aback indeed. One F-Maths remedial student giving help/aid/assistance to another F-Maths remedial student. Almost sounds like "The Blind Leading the Blind". And I cheerfully added. "Yes ma'am! I'm going all the way to his house to study! And I'll teach him some mechanics as well!". I was better in mechanics than statistics. For Kang Fei it was the other way round. And we made the customary journey to Buona Vista MRT station. And rode it all the way to one end of the island. At least an hour's journey plus a long walk to his house.
We sat down to "do some work". In the end, I ended up watching Kang Fei play WC3 on BattleNet. Listening to Christian music. Playing the drums in his house (Yeah, he has drums in his house! And I used to play the drums at that time too!). It was fun. Thoroughly enjoyable. Never got any mechanics or statistics done thereafter. He even burnt a CD compilation of all his favourite Christian tunes for me. Songs which I still have in my computer today. Caedmon's Call. The Passion Worship Band. Casting Crowns. Delirious. Hillsong. Chris Tomlin. And it was fun. Kang Fei has always been a blessing to my life. Whether in terms of humour, or just plain conversation. I have been indeed very blessed to know him.
Mavis asked the next day, "So what did you two do yesterday at Kang Fei's house?" in a rather scornful and sacastic tone. We just smiled at her and I remember shooting my mouth off, "Oh ma'am! We covered alot of things!". Yes, covered alot of Christian artistes, bands and songs indeed! "Heart of Worship", "Forever", "Everlasting Fire". And so on. The disc is still somewhere in my room today. I have not thrown it away. Because its even more precious now.
Yesterday, I learnt that this lecture buddy, tutorial mate, who made up one third the F-Maths remedial class under Mavis' command in ACJC, has been diagnosed to be in the advanced stages of Leukaemia... I am terribly taken aback by the fact that a healthy, fully functioning, God-fearing and serving person that I have had the deep pleasure of knowing in my last two years of school is now stricken with such a dreadful medical condition.
The reality of my youth is that I often take my health for granted. Believing that such woes and concerns are that of the eldery, the feeble and the unfortunate. While I have come across friend's of friends who have been stricken and afflicted by such an ailment. It has never been this close to my social circle before. And now, the reality bites. And the reality hits a home run. A very hard home run.
I honestly do not know what to do. In times like these, when circumstances of the world can only allow us to do so much and go so far. Perhaps this is when we thrust out, break through and stand forth on the Promises of God and chose to walk with Him even in the darkness valley of our lives. Even though it might just be the medical suffering of one person. I believe that such will also take an emotional, mental and spiritual toll of those who are closest to him. Even a rather hard-hearted/unfeeling person like me feels similarly surprised/shocked/dumbstruck by this news.
It is times like these that make me take a long hard look at the medical establishment. I would love to be a doctor. And I couldn't care less about the pay. The fact that I can only stand still while a proxy does "whatever that is possible on hand" to save a friend just makes me feel so helpless. So insignificant and just so utterly self-condemnatory. I have two hands, the doctor has two hands. Why can't I do anything? Can I do anything? I wish I could do something! I want to do something! But... all I can now do, is to drop to my knees and to seek the Lord, the Good God in deep prayer.
I've never been good in prayer. Never was close to any defnition of a "prayer warrior" - a term spouted so often in church. I'm not the sort who can pray for hours at end. I'm the kind of guy who spouts Grace before meals that last less than 30 seconds. I'm no where "up there". Maybe its me, Maybe I'm just screwed up. But I'm really a simple person when it comes to the aspect of prayer. I really wonder how some people can pray for hours and hours and while I know that it is a good and desirable thing. I wonder what's wrong with me.
Nevertheless, after having been taught since my days of kindergarten. To clasp my hands together. To bow my head down and to just say a prayer to the Lord. From the heart of course. I'm not the person of fanciful words in prayer and I disdain it. Just simple, plain honesty before the King of Majesty. And I know that when I was in primary school. I fondly remember stading during assembly, trying to make out "the devotion for the day". And it would always end with one sentence. "Let us bow our heads down in prayer and close our eyes... " and the prayer would almost start with the word "Father"
I have to admit, that I'm not really a person of great faith. Perhaps I could dare say and measure such that it is less than that of a mustard seed. 2005 thus far has been a very difficult year for me. And I do not know what else to do except to trust God as much as I can. As far as whatever faith I have can take me. And to be honest, its been a difficult time, a struggle and overall, very disheartening. All I can ask from God now is that "Lord, please heal my brother in Christ. By Your stripes, we are healed." And that's about it. What else can I do? Not much. I can only let go and let God.
Despite being in the advanced stages of Leukaemia. I am told that my brother in Christ is strong physically. And strong Spiritually as well. I believe that this is a time that the Lord will show His miracles for us. And whatever the outcome, To God Be the Glory. And please, those of you who read my blog and know who Kang Fei is. Please keep him in your prayers. And now, let us all bow down our head and close our eyes in prayer...
Jeg kan være en venn
Jeg ser at du faller
Jeg ser at du faller
Du vil reise deg igjen
Jeg kan være en venn
Jeg ser at du faller
Jeg ser at du faller
Du vil reise deg igjen
- Venn
"Passion
"You should find what you love to do and do that. Because if you love what you do, you'll eventually be the best in it".
"I would rather be the best hokkien mee seller in Singapore, than to be an average doctor. Why? Because if I love my job so much cooking and selling hokkien mee, I'm sure going to be the best one, and when I am the best, the money will inevitably come my way". Power man. "Don't settle for the path of least resistance, living might mean taking some chances, but they are certainly worth taking. Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all."
I was walking around Orchard yesterday when I came across Kum Yan Methodist Church. One of my good friend in F Maths class always told me he attended this Church. But I had absolutely NO IDEA where it was, and I never asked him. Unlike "Kampong Kapor Methodist Church" where it is obvious where the church is located, for this one, I was a blur. Imagine my surprise when I was going to visit the Art Museum yesterday when I passed by that place. Yes, I'm one of those dry folks that actually find interest in an ART Museum, but I interpret art according to my terms and not some "experts". I realise one thing that small churches have that big churches lose out in: The Church Camp as well as games that the whole church/service/fellowship can indulge in.
As one might infer, there was a bunch of Christians, presumably one youth fellowship worth of people playing Captain's Ball in the church's compounds. Captain's ball is like the ultimate uni-sex game that blends Men's Basketball with Women's Netball. One could call it a "politically correct manner to address gender issues" as it compromises on both games to form a third that satisfies everyone. That was what one of my friends told me in AC.
This particular friend of mine in F Maths class is a guy named Kang Fei. He rocks F Maths lessons. If the "dynamic duo" of me and Ishvinder (The GREAT INDIAN MATHEMATICIAN) was funny. Kang-Fei really takes the cake. We were the only three jokers in the entire combi who chose to drop Econs in favour of F-Maths. Everyone thought that we were crazy to do as such. But really I don't care, I believe more in following my dreams rather than let other people's limited perception of reality discourage the desires of my heart.
I can safely say that Me, Ish and Kang-Fei were struggling LIKE MAD with F-Maths back in JC2. But nevertheless, we always propped each other up with positive comments and silly jokes to numb ourselves from the painful reality that we might actually screw up our A level F-Maths papers. Kang Fei is the ultimate joker. Once when the F-Maths lecturer put up a ranking for our tests scores for all to see, Kang Fei happened to be at the bottom. So the teacher said, "Kang Fei, I think you have to work harder...."
And then he answered, "But MA'AM! My name is only at the bottom of the list cos my surname starts with a 'y'!" At this instant, Ish and I laughed so hard both of us nearly fell off our chairs (we were rocking the chairs at the time). I think his sense of humour is really first class. His jokes are really funny. Yet at the same time, Kang Fei knows how to totally sober up from a laughing state and seek the Lord diligently. He too is a really devoted Christian that gives Bible study classes in his church. Once I picked up his bible that dropped out of his bag and I found to see like the whole book was practically highlighted as well as dog-eared and scribbled over with copious notes on Christian theology and doctrine. It really hit me that I haven't really been reading through my Bible as much as I should and studying it all the more diligently.
Once I asked him what would he major in whilst in the university and his instant reply was simply "Maths". And I asked him why. He just told me "Because I want to teach Maths". At this time, my F-Maths lecturer overhead a little bit of the conversation and tried to talk him out of it. He just stated quite firmly with a soft tone.
"Ma'am, I may not be the best student around. I may not be as smart as all the maths geniuses, GEPS and scholars. But I tell you ma'am, I'm going to the university, I will graduate with a degree in mathematics and I will come back here to replace you when you retire". She was absolutely dumbstuck.
Only then I realised why he chose to drop econs in favour of F-Maths. Why he choses to push through even though most of the time, the test results are discouraging. Why he choses to do something that others think of as foolish. It all just boils down to simple passion. And wow, it made me reflect on all my past decisions. Did I really drop econs because I really couldn't cope, or did I drop it because I spent practically all my time reading maths books and practising mathematics, even neglecting physics? Was I really bad in economics despite having rather intensive tuition for sometime, or did I just take the subject cos Dad recommended that I do so? Or simply was I shut off from a subject because I really liked the other one very much? This despite never scoring the grades I felt I really deserved?
Strange how even the funniest people in ACS can teach me the most self-reflective lessons in life. I'm sure Kang-Fei will do very well in university. The last I heard was that he qualified for a place in the Science Faculty in NUS and is soon to be a fully fledged army officer. But I believe that he too, will go overseas as his parents can more than afford it. I think he'll be an excellent teacher. Not because of a degree or higher mastery in Mathematics, but because he has a passion to teach the subject. Passion is probably something a lot of teachers lack nowadays. I might be generalising, but I find that most only do it for the sake of the money.
We need teachers who are truly passionate, truly committed to impart knowledge. The ability to think for self a solution. Not force students through a senseless ritual of memorisation and regurgitation. Even for F-Maths, the secret to doing well is not to be extavagantly smart. It is simply to memorise the necessary steps to arrive at the solution for the question. All the questions in the topics follow a particular methold of solving. Memorise the steps, then regurgitate them in favor of the question in the exam and do well. I believe that my friend Kang-Fei will be one of the next generation of AC Teachers that will just rock the set.
Imagine, the funniest maths teacher you ever ever had, who was cool, in touch with reality, able to relate to the students, having great passion for imparting knowledge, willing to go the extra mile(s) for weak students and all at the same time, living a life of excellence for Jesus. What a living testimony that would be! With such teachers, we don't need tuition anymore.
I could go on and on about who I saw inside the church compounds playing Captain's Ball. But that's another entirely complex lesson I've learnt in AC. Definitely another time."
- Extracted from my archives, from a post more than a year ago...
I last met Kang Fei at the ACJC J-Four Reunion dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe on the 23rd of December last year. He was in good health, excellent spirits and looking forward to heading off to NUS for his studies in Mathematics. He was looking forward to becoming a Mathematics teacher in ACJC one day. Having completed his tenure in OCS, he was now a fully commissioned and serving Officer in the Army. Like everyone else - Looking forth to his ORD date next month.
Kang Fei is a true blue ACSian. 13 years. And he is very proud of it. Definitely the only guy I know that has held the post of OGL twice in ACJC. In 2001 as well as 2002. I remember fondly one fine day, I believe it was a tuesday or wednesday. After the time of my prelimnary examinations. I was struggling badly with Further Mathematics Statistics. All that Chi-Squared distribution and stuff where we would need to study the resultant terms from a graphical calculator. Mavis was ever so helpful, perhaps even condescending when she suggested, "Alwyn, why don't you go to Kang Fei's place so that he can teach you some statistics?"
I look at Kang Fei one time. I nodded. He nodded and smiled. And later Kang Fei declared to Mavis when she asked, "where are the two of you going now?"
"Ma'am, he's coming to my house, so I can teach him some statistics". Mavis was taken aback indeed. One F-Maths remedial student giving help/aid/assistance to another F-Maths remedial student. Almost sounds like "The Blind Leading the Blind". And I cheerfully added. "Yes ma'am! I'm going all the way to his house to study! And I'll teach him some mechanics as well!". I was better in mechanics than statistics. For Kang Fei it was the other way round. And we made the customary journey to Buona Vista MRT station. And rode it all the way to one end of the island. At least an hour's journey plus a long walk to his house.
We sat down to "do some work". In the end, I ended up watching Kang Fei play WC3 on BattleNet. Listening to Christian music. Playing the drums in his house (Yeah, he has drums in his house! And I used to play the drums at that time too!). It was fun. Thoroughly enjoyable. Never got any mechanics or statistics done thereafter. He even burnt a CD compilation of all his favourite Christian tunes for me. Songs which I still have in my computer today. Caedmon's Call. The Passion Worship Band. Casting Crowns. Delirious. Hillsong. Chris Tomlin. And it was fun. Kang Fei has always been a blessing to my life. Whether in terms of humour, or just plain conversation. I have been indeed very blessed to know him.
Mavis asked the next day, "So what did you two do yesterday at Kang Fei's house?" in a rather scornful and sacastic tone. We just smiled at her and I remember shooting my mouth off, "Oh ma'am! We covered alot of things!". Yes, covered alot of Christian artistes, bands and songs indeed! "Heart of Worship", "Forever", "Everlasting Fire". And so on. The disc is still somewhere in my room today. I have not thrown it away. Because its even more precious now.
Yesterday, I learnt that this lecture buddy, tutorial mate, who made up one third the F-Maths remedial class under Mavis' command in ACJC, has been diagnosed to be in the advanced stages of Leukaemia... I am terribly taken aback by the fact that a healthy, fully functioning, God-fearing and serving person that I have had the deep pleasure of knowing in my last two years of school is now stricken with such a dreadful medical condition.
The reality of my youth is that I often take my health for granted. Believing that such woes and concerns are that of the eldery, the feeble and the unfortunate. While I have come across friend's of friends who have been stricken and afflicted by such an ailment. It has never been this close to my social circle before. And now, the reality bites. And the reality hits a home run. A very hard home run.
I honestly do not know what to do. In times like these, when circumstances of the world can only allow us to do so much and go so far. Perhaps this is when we thrust out, break through and stand forth on the Promises of God and chose to walk with Him even in the darkness valley of our lives. Even though it might just be the medical suffering of one person. I believe that such will also take an emotional, mental and spiritual toll of those who are closest to him. Even a rather hard-hearted/unfeeling person like me feels similarly surprised/shocked/dumbstruck by this news.
It is times like these that make me take a long hard look at the medical establishment. I would love to be a doctor. And I couldn't care less about the pay. The fact that I can only stand still while a proxy does "whatever that is possible on hand" to save a friend just makes me feel so helpless. So insignificant and just so utterly self-condemnatory. I have two hands, the doctor has two hands. Why can't I do anything? Can I do anything? I wish I could do something! I want to do something! But... all I can now do, is to drop to my knees and to seek the Lord, the Good God in deep prayer.
I've never been good in prayer. Never was close to any defnition of a "prayer warrior" - a term spouted so often in church. I'm not the sort who can pray for hours at end. I'm the kind of guy who spouts Grace before meals that last less than 30 seconds. I'm no where "up there". Maybe its me, Maybe I'm just screwed up. But I'm really a simple person when it comes to the aspect of prayer. I really wonder how some people can pray for hours and hours and while I know that it is a good and desirable thing. I wonder what's wrong with me.
Nevertheless, after having been taught since my days of kindergarten. To clasp my hands together. To bow my head down and to just say a prayer to the Lord. From the heart of course. I'm not the person of fanciful words in prayer and I disdain it. Just simple, plain honesty before the King of Majesty. And I know that when I was in primary school. I fondly remember stading during assembly, trying to make out "the devotion for the day". And it would always end with one sentence. "Let us bow our heads down in prayer and close our eyes... " and the prayer would almost start with the word "Father"
I have to admit, that I'm not really a person of great faith. Perhaps I could dare say and measure such that it is less than that of a mustard seed. 2005 thus far has been a very difficult year for me. And I do not know what else to do except to trust God as much as I can. As far as whatever faith I have can take me. And to be honest, its been a difficult time, a struggle and overall, very disheartening. All I can ask from God now is that "Lord, please heal my brother in Christ. By Your stripes, we are healed." And that's about it. What else can I do? Not much. I can only let go and let God.
Despite being in the advanced stages of Leukaemia. I am told that my brother in Christ is strong physically. And strong Spiritually as well. I believe that this is a time that the Lord will show His miracles for us. And whatever the outcome, To God Be the Glory. And please, those of you who read my blog and know who Kang Fei is. Please keep him in your prayers. And now, let us all bow down our head and close our eyes in prayer...
Jeg kan være en venn
Jeg ser at du faller
Jeg ser at du faller
Du vil reise deg igjen
Jeg kan være en venn
Jeg ser at du faller
Jeg ser at du faller
Du vil reise deg igjen
- Venn
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