Check this blog out, its the girl who acted in "sweet dreams and turtle soup". Probably the best local show that I've watched on a friday night at home on tv this entire year. Its a pity that while our local people can make such good shows, it is often put by the sidelines for more shows transported out of american television.
The Educated Future
Very soon, university will start for all the girls a batch below me. And before I know it, just slightly less than a year left before I return to classes in a university. As much as I don't really like to be in NS, lamenting the wasting away of my life and having to constantly deal with nonsensical condemned policemen , I do enjoy the fact that there is no homework to do once I get home. I don't need to wake up early every single day for class and I can just do what I want to do on my off days.
Time really flies when things are just on cruise control mode, before I know it, I would have reached the end of the expressway and its time to "down gear" and to start the hassles of a manual transmission in urban city driving. Although change is the only constant in life, after all, it does make us all apprehensive as to how we're going to deal with it. Human's just don't like to have their normal routines interrupted, do they?
There's so many things to think about after I'm done here. There'll be university studies, doing well in exams, rushing up homework. Not to mention that when I live in a hostel, its really going to be just me taking care of myself. Cleaning the place, washing my clothes. And I can't cook! Then there's the issue of time-management as well. Apparently all my army-disciplined cousins just took to dorm life in the university to a literal meaning of "sleeping at 4a.m after clubbing and miss the morning lecture by waking up at 1p.m". My mum really doesn't want me to be like that.
And then there's all the complexities of girls/women to handle as well. As there is hardly any women officers in coast guard, its basically back to an all-boys' secondary school environment where the "freedom speech reigns". I'll definitely have to be more careful with my words, thinking about them before setting it free. Its amazing how a piece of cabbage to a guy can be a vial of poison to a girl. Haha. Oh my goodness, and all the politics that comes when close friends get into relationships. Directly or indirectly, more or less everyone is drawn into the gossip banter over BGR and the like.
"How Deep is your love?". -Its rather shallow right now, measures around 0.5cm in depth. Yup.
Then there's other committments to self and to others like volunteer work, social services to the nation, reservist, personal interests and exploration of self. The good thing about university is that more or less we learn a great deal of ourselves, of our characters just before heading out into the working world, which should complete the square for ourselves to see.
Whilst I can see myself living and eking out my lonesome existence as usual, casually smiling at people that I pass by, but almost always living a reclusive existence. In a dorm room that is constantly locked, that I come out only for the bare essentials. I can imagine how left out I'll be when I don't join the rest of the people to go clubbing on Saturdays till the wee hours of the morning, just so that I can actually pay attention in Church on a sunday morning. So much opportunities, yet so many sacrifices to be made even before those opportunities even land in our laps.
Indeed, we can never see beyond the choices we don't understand. And I seriously don't understand half the choices and decisions that I'll have to make in this life. Whilst some things like selling insurance during my university days are out for me, key decisions that I have yet to make include "what am I going to be in life" still remain unanswered. On one hand its just so idealistic to become a doctor. On the other, the academic route is long, tough and very difficult. Perhaps even insurmountable unless God grants me the victory in such instances.
And yes, all of us will have to let go of the grip of the past upon us. As time dawns a new day to us each passing day. Its not worth it to be carrying the load from the past. Funny how sometimes we think that we've left everything behind, a situation, a person or something comes up to prick us in our soft sensitive spot again. Ouch. Or maybe we just numb ourselves to the obvious pain that comes after the needle pinprick. Seeing others or friends in better courses, in more prestigious positions, in better dorm locations, others getting attached and of course, the depression and misery that comes with every exam.
A lonesome existence like mine certainly seeks to complicate all the above mentioned affairs. Friends are hard to find when everyone thinks me as a oddity and eccentricity of a person. I can't deny it after all, one too many psychological tests have proven to be my "REAL-lisation". Just that its not nirvana for me. If only the inner me could be transcribed through the flesh and bones of my body. Maybe then I'll really be a different person.
But this is all about a year away. Phelgmatic people such as me are oft so depressed over such issues. But its the calmness and unexcitement that serves as a good moderating factor to personal pessimissm. Never had a dream come true. Maybe in uni. Maybe in uni. Else just pretend that all is perfectly fine and all right.
The Educated Future
Very soon, university will start for all the girls a batch below me. And before I know it, just slightly less than a year left before I return to classes in a university. As much as I don't really like to be in NS, lamenting the wasting away of my life and having to constantly deal with nonsensical condemned policemen , I do enjoy the fact that there is no homework to do once I get home. I don't need to wake up early every single day for class and I can just do what I want to do on my off days.
Time really flies when things are just on cruise control mode, before I know it, I would have reached the end of the expressway and its time to "down gear" and to start the hassles of a manual transmission in urban city driving. Although change is the only constant in life, after all, it does make us all apprehensive as to how we're going to deal with it. Human's just don't like to have their normal routines interrupted, do they?
There's so many things to think about after I'm done here. There'll be university studies, doing well in exams, rushing up homework. Not to mention that when I live in a hostel, its really going to be just me taking care of myself. Cleaning the place, washing my clothes. And I can't cook! Then there's the issue of time-management as well. Apparently all my army-disciplined cousins just took to dorm life in the university to a literal meaning of "sleeping at 4a.m after clubbing and miss the morning lecture by waking up at 1p.m". My mum really doesn't want me to be like that.
And then there's all the complexities of girls/women to handle as well. As there is hardly any women officers in coast guard, its basically back to an all-boys' secondary school environment where the "freedom speech reigns". I'll definitely have to be more careful with my words, thinking about them before setting it free. Its amazing how a piece of cabbage to a guy can be a vial of poison to a girl. Haha. Oh my goodness, and all the politics that comes when close friends get into relationships. Directly or indirectly, more or less everyone is drawn into the gossip banter over BGR and the like.
"How Deep is your love?". -Its rather shallow right now, measures around 0.5cm in depth. Yup.
Then there's other committments to self and to others like volunteer work, social services to the nation, reservist, personal interests and exploration of self. The good thing about university is that more or less we learn a great deal of ourselves, of our characters just before heading out into the working world, which should complete the square for ourselves to see.
Whilst I can see myself living and eking out my lonesome existence as usual, casually smiling at people that I pass by, but almost always living a reclusive existence. In a dorm room that is constantly locked, that I come out only for the bare essentials. I can imagine how left out I'll be when I don't join the rest of the people to go clubbing on Saturdays till the wee hours of the morning, just so that I can actually pay attention in Church on a sunday morning. So much opportunities, yet so many sacrifices to be made even before those opportunities even land in our laps.
Indeed, we can never see beyond the choices we don't understand. And I seriously don't understand half the choices and decisions that I'll have to make in this life. Whilst some things like selling insurance during my university days are out for me, key decisions that I have yet to make include "what am I going to be in life" still remain unanswered. On one hand its just so idealistic to become a doctor. On the other, the academic route is long, tough and very difficult. Perhaps even insurmountable unless God grants me the victory in such instances.
And yes, all of us will have to let go of the grip of the past upon us. As time dawns a new day to us each passing day. Its not worth it to be carrying the load from the past. Funny how sometimes we think that we've left everything behind, a situation, a person or something comes up to prick us in our soft sensitive spot again. Ouch. Or maybe we just numb ourselves to the obvious pain that comes after the needle pinprick. Seeing others or friends in better courses, in more prestigious positions, in better dorm locations, others getting attached and of course, the depression and misery that comes with every exam.
A lonesome existence like mine certainly seeks to complicate all the above mentioned affairs. Friends are hard to find when everyone thinks me as a oddity and eccentricity of a person. I can't deny it after all, one too many psychological tests have proven to be my "REAL-lisation". Just that its not nirvana for me. If only the inner me could be transcribed through the flesh and bones of my body. Maybe then I'll really be a different person.
But this is all about a year away. Phelgmatic people such as me are oft so depressed over such issues. But its the calmness and unexcitement that serves as a good moderating factor to personal pessimissm. Never had a dream come true. Maybe in uni. Maybe in uni. Else just pretend that all is perfectly fine and all right.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home