Maybe everytime we like someone. Quietly, our heart deposits a seed of potential love into the memory of that particular person. Whether real of imagined. Perhaps the very initial stages of true love resides in the spark of "liking another person". As wishy-washy and potentially counterfeit as it might be. Perhaps liking a person is necessary for a number of people before love can enter into the picture.
Like somewhat "prepares" the way ahead of love. Is that too irrational? Just maybe, sometimes. I guess that there is nothing wrong is liking another girl. At least to a certain extent, it still proves to myself that I'm "quite normal" and have not gone the "crooked path". Or maybe it seeks to serve to remind me that I might just end up a potential person signing up for the next SDU outing. Or perhaps it could be a nagging, a tugging of the heart to more receptive as well as more open. It is very hard to explain.
Feelings in general mire with emotions and are very hard to explain, even differentiate amongst the varying "shades" and "degrees" of measure. Especially so for emotionally-inept, psychopathically-depressed, stone-cold-heart-prototype people like me. The fault lies in me, I don' have that much an emphatic ability to feel and understand another person's pain. Most of the time I simply dismiss the hurts of others as just another tiny trivial affair, not to be bothered with. Of course, with repurcussions of all sorts.
In between the extremes of "True Love" and "Lust", "like" is a feeling/emotion so ambiguous that I cannot figure where it lies. My guess is that it is different from person to another person. Being vague in such cases is better since the word "like" more or less conveys this general meaning of "deep desire" or "heartache" or "shallow love" or "simple friendship".
Maybe its because with each and every person we like, our heart puts a little seed of "potential love" into the memory and existence of that person. It would not be hard to then explain why married men tend to stray to the women they used to or still like when they find their current relationship unsatisfactory for all sorts of reasons. Maybe that's why its so hard to let go of people we like, because essentially, when we destroy that seed of potential love. It hurts us to a certain degree as well.
So most people ignore such potential self-planted minefields until it is too late or of a dire conseqence. Seeds of "potential love" are like seeds of wildflowers that grow in the desert. They can stay dormant for many years in real life until that heavy downpour of rain creates ideal conditions for fast, speedy growth into a beautiful wild flower. Yet for most of the cases, the seeds fall onto desert-like ground in the hearts of those we put it into, and taken for granted, do not germinate, grow and haunt us in the latter future.
I've liked many girls in my life. Just a simple and plain like. I guess its nothing wrong, just a part of the process of "growing up" and "maturing". Oh yes, crushes on quite a few as well. For those who know specifically who, they laugh at me in mockery for the fun of it. But we all laugh at ourselves and feel ashamed of our former childish characters, don't we?
Over the weekend, I bumped into four straight girls that I liked at one or more points in my life. How mathematically improbable is that? Four in the course of a weekend! Each time, I thought my temporarily sunken heart would sooner or later "rise up" again. But they just came one after the other. The feeling in general is so undesirable. Its weird. Its like pain that hurts us, but due to my (and maybe many other's) sado-masochistic outlook in such events, choose to bear the brunt of the pain it brings.
Ouch. Four minefield explosions in my heart in the space of one weekend. I would be much much happier just going the road alone and being a photographer to capture my observances of this world, rather than to be in the tangle of fallen vines of the past. One reason why I love church so much is simply for the fact that I find real deep peace in the presence of God, as much a messed up person and Christian that I am. I don't need to fight whatever vines that tie me down to my past. Such things don't matter and suddenly seem to trivial in the presence of God.
Maybe that's why I am a person who is more or less opposed to "liking another girl". What's the point? It bringeth forth no good but brokeness of spirit. Not the contrite sort. But the heartbroken sort.
"Even if I liked you, I wouldn't tell you...."
Like somewhat "prepares" the way ahead of love. Is that too irrational? Just maybe, sometimes. I guess that there is nothing wrong is liking another girl. At least to a certain extent, it still proves to myself that I'm "quite normal" and have not gone the "crooked path". Or maybe it seeks to serve to remind me that I might just end up a potential person signing up for the next SDU outing. Or perhaps it could be a nagging, a tugging of the heart to more receptive as well as more open. It is very hard to explain.
Feelings in general mire with emotions and are very hard to explain, even differentiate amongst the varying "shades" and "degrees" of measure. Especially so for emotionally-inept, psychopathically-depressed, stone-cold-heart-prototype people like me. The fault lies in me, I don' have that much an emphatic ability to feel and understand another person's pain. Most of the time I simply dismiss the hurts of others as just another tiny trivial affair, not to be bothered with. Of course, with repurcussions of all sorts.
In between the extremes of "True Love" and "Lust", "like" is a feeling/emotion so ambiguous that I cannot figure where it lies. My guess is that it is different from person to another person. Being vague in such cases is better since the word "like" more or less conveys this general meaning of "deep desire" or "heartache" or "shallow love" or "simple friendship".
Maybe its because with each and every person we like, our heart puts a little seed of "potential love" into the memory and existence of that person. It would not be hard to then explain why married men tend to stray to the women they used to or still like when they find their current relationship unsatisfactory for all sorts of reasons. Maybe that's why its so hard to let go of people we like, because essentially, when we destroy that seed of potential love. It hurts us to a certain degree as well.
So most people ignore such potential self-planted minefields until it is too late or of a dire conseqence. Seeds of "potential love" are like seeds of wildflowers that grow in the desert. They can stay dormant for many years in real life until that heavy downpour of rain creates ideal conditions for fast, speedy growth into a beautiful wild flower. Yet for most of the cases, the seeds fall onto desert-like ground in the hearts of those we put it into, and taken for granted, do not germinate, grow and haunt us in the latter future.
I've liked many girls in my life. Just a simple and plain like. I guess its nothing wrong, just a part of the process of "growing up" and "maturing". Oh yes, crushes on quite a few as well. For those who know specifically who, they laugh at me in mockery for the fun of it. But we all laugh at ourselves and feel ashamed of our former childish characters, don't we?
Over the weekend, I bumped into four straight girls that I liked at one or more points in my life. How mathematically improbable is that? Four in the course of a weekend! Each time, I thought my temporarily sunken heart would sooner or later "rise up" again. But they just came one after the other. The feeling in general is so undesirable. Its weird. Its like pain that hurts us, but due to my (and maybe many other's) sado-masochistic outlook in such events, choose to bear the brunt of the pain it brings.
Ouch. Four minefield explosions in my heart in the space of one weekend. I would be much much happier just going the road alone and being a photographer to capture my observances of this world, rather than to be in the tangle of fallen vines of the past. One reason why I love church so much is simply for the fact that I find real deep peace in the presence of God, as much a messed up person and Christian that I am. I don't need to fight whatever vines that tie me down to my past. Such things don't matter and suddenly seem to trivial in the presence of God.
Maybe that's why I am a person who is more or less opposed to "liking another girl". What's the point? It bringeth forth no good but brokeness of spirit. Not the contrite sort. But the heartbroken sort.
"Even if I liked you, I wouldn't tell you...."
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