Someone told me that I tend to write huge chunks in my icq messages. I find that to be very true. I realise that when people send a "yeah" or "ok" or "oh", I will still end up replying with a message about six lines long. And this is icq. Maybe I talk too much in real life and this translates into my icq messages.
Or maybe I think too much. On the bright side, it might be a form of "lateral thinking" - one of the forms of creativity. On the other, maybe I'm just very long winded and detail oriented. But worst of all, and this I really suspect, is that I try to simulate "depth" with "content". I suppose its really not easy to be a deep person. Especially for me. I tend to be a very shallow person. Unable to comprehend the depth of emotions as well as the feelings of others.
Many a times, I have said one thing too sensitive, perhaps even hurtful, and only realised it much much later. Its amazing how much a few words can hurt people. Truly, the tongue is a like a sword of fire. I have to be more careful with the words I say. I speak too quickly most of the time without much thought as well as hindsight. Being a poor communicator doesn't help very much either.
How does one develop "depth"? Its like an irrational number to me. Simple to read and write, but hard to understand. Even harder to memorise any 'right steps". I guess I'm quite an artificial person when it comes to feelings and emotions. I don't know how to feel what other people feel. Perhaps I'm too numbed to the reality of the feelings that shapes the decisions of other people as well as influences their moods and behaviour. It all seems to strange to me. Moodswings in particular.
Girls with moodswings are scary. Freaking scary. One minute they can be laughing and the next sobbing uncontrollably. Else they can be really excited for one moment and suddenly overcome with anger. I prefer control. A controlled release of emotions is like a pressure cooker at the end of its steam cycle. An uncontrolled release of emotions is like an erupting volcano. So far, I've not met any guy I know that has violent moodswings. Perhaps just a little. But the bipolarity really lies in the girls I've met in life thus far.
No offense to anyone. But I'm just being really honest about this from my own observations of life. I don't mince my words. Or perhaps, I don't know how to mince my words. I'm too direct, lack the golden rule of TACT. Maybe I ought to go for some courses or something that can teach me to be a better speaker as well as communicator. To say what I mean.
However, to mean what I say will have to lie entirely with my character which is sadly, not very good. In fact, it quite crappy and doesn't measure up to the minimum standard that God expects. "Depth" not included. Sometimes I really envy people who can relate to another person with great depth and understanding. Shouldn't everyone have a caring heart that can relate to all other groups of people in deep honest kindness? I find it hard, perhaps even impossible to do most of the time.
Maybe that's why I know alot of people. But only in that very shallow sense. But have very very few real friends that I relate to with difficulty most of the time. Perhaps why it explains why I am apathetic to the upkeep of friendship - simply because I don't know how to develop that "depth" necessary for a long lasting friendship. A friendship that is not rooted securely or grounded upon a firm placement will be blown away by the storms of life in an instant.
Call me negative, or a pessimist, but I am so used to lowering and watering down my expectations to avoid being dissapointed that nowadays I seldom expect much of anyone or anything. To me at least, I feel that expectations are like bullets. They hurt both parties most of the time. Especially so since they are constantly fired all around in our society. Sometimes it is good to just sit back and quit the whole charade.
There I go again, wandering off my intended point. One of my classmates often told me that I almost always started a topic at A but usually ended it around X, Y or Z. I don't really know what to make of that. But I do accept the fact that my thoughts as well as manner of thinking is vastly different from that of most people. Else I assume too much, and often end up unhappy in the process.
Or am I too hard upon myself? I find that there are many other people who are harder upon themselves than I am on myself. Its confusing at times, isn't it? We can't just simplify everything complex by means of a few asumptions, yet handling the complexities also cause pain. A loss-loss situation.
I really don't know what to make of such things in my life. Maybe its better that I lead a life of simple seclusion than to go out and interact with people. Then there won't be anything to talk about, nothing wrong will be said and everything just gets simpler. For those who know me in real life. Perhaps now you will understand why I am often so aloof and such a wanderer and that I never seem to bother for "get togethers" as well as "parties". On one hand I don't enjoy it. On the other it freaks me out to a certain extent.
Or maybe I think too much. On the bright side, it might be a form of "lateral thinking" - one of the forms of creativity. On the other, maybe I'm just very long winded and detail oriented. But worst of all, and this I really suspect, is that I try to simulate "depth" with "content". I suppose its really not easy to be a deep person. Especially for me. I tend to be a very shallow person. Unable to comprehend the depth of emotions as well as the feelings of others.
Many a times, I have said one thing too sensitive, perhaps even hurtful, and only realised it much much later. Its amazing how much a few words can hurt people. Truly, the tongue is a like a sword of fire. I have to be more careful with the words I say. I speak too quickly most of the time without much thought as well as hindsight. Being a poor communicator doesn't help very much either.
How does one develop "depth"? Its like an irrational number to me. Simple to read and write, but hard to understand. Even harder to memorise any 'right steps". I guess I'm quite an artificial person when it comes to feelings and emotions. I don't know how to feel what other people feel. Perhaps I'm too numbed to the reality of the feelings that shapes the decisions of other people as well as influences their moods and behaviour. It all seems to strange to me. Moodswings in particular.
Girls with moodswings are scary. Freaking scary. One minute they can be laughing and the next sobbing uncontrollably. Else they can be really excited for one moment and suddenly overcome with anger. I prefer control. A controlled release of emotions is like a pressure cooker at the end of its steam cycle. An uncontrolled release of emotions is like an erupting volcano. So far, I've not met any guy I know that has violent moodswings. Perhaps just a little. But the bipolarity really lies in the girls I've met in life thus far.
No offense to anyone. But I'm just being really honest about this from my own observations of life. I don't mince my words. Or perhaps, I don't know how to mince my words. I'm too direct, lack the golden rule of TACT. Maybe I ought to go for some courses or something that can teach me to be a better speaker as well as communicator. To say what I mean.
However, to mean what I say will have to lie entirely with my character which is sadly, not very good. In fact, it quite crappy and doesn't measure up to the minimum standard that God expects. "Depth" not included. Sometimes I really envy people who can relate to another person with great depth and understanding. Shouldn't everyone have a caring heart that can relate to all other groups of people in deep honest kindness? I find it hard, perhaps even impossible to do most of the time.
Maybe that's why I know alot of people. But only in that very shallow sense. But have very very few real friends that I relate to with difficulty most of the time. Perhaps why it explains why I am apathetic to the upkeep of friendship - simply because I don't know how to develop that "depth" necessary for a long lasting friendship. A friendship that is not rooted securely or grounded upon a firm placement will be blown away by the storms of life in an instant.
Call me negative, or a pessimist, but I am so used to lowering and watering down my expectations to avoid being dissapointed that nowadays I seldom expect much of anyone or anything. To me at least, I feel that expectations are like bullets. They hurt both parties most of the time. Especially so since they are constantly fired all around in our society. Sometimes it is good to just sit back and quit the whole charade.
There I go again, wandering off my intended point. One of my classmates often told me that I almost always started a topic at A but usually ended it around X, Y or Z. I don't really know what to make of that. But I do accept the fact that my thoughts as well as manner of thinking is vastly different from that of most people. Else I assume too much, and often end up unhappy in the process.
Or am I too hard upon myself? I find that there are many other people who are harder upon themselves than I am on myself. Its confusing at times, isn't it? We can't just simplify everything complex by means of a few asumptions, yet handling the complexities also cause pain. A loss-loss situation.
I really don't know what to make of such things in my life. Maybe its better that I lead a life of simple seclusion than to go out and interact with people. Then there won't be anything to talk about, nothing wrong will be said and everything just gets simpler. For those who know me in real life. Perhaps now you will understand why I am often so aloof and such a wanderer and that I never seem to bother for "get togethers" as well as "parties". On one hand I don't enjoy it. On the other it freaks me out to a certain extent.
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