Heh, I woke up at exactly 6.30 in the morning today! I walked out of my room into the hallway to see the clock showing me that time. It felt weird, It felt like only 5a.m in the morning to me. Didn't manage to read the papers much. Its like the papers aren't so interesting nowadays. Its all just about SARS and the fallout from the war in Iraq. Other than that, its just global economy blues.
Shu Yin once told me that its not worth reading the paper nowadays since its all full of bad news: earthquakes, people getting killed, suicide bombings, nuclear weapons, axis of evil, economic growth, retrenchment, restructuring, money and all kinds of crimes pertaining to the increasing lawlessness in the world. I think I'll just follow her suggestion and just read the LIFE section instead. Life has to go on. I have to do business as usual until the blessed hope.
Today, class in the morning was very very boring, we were late falling in at the designated area, thus our squad was asked to run back to our classroom (where we normally change from walk-out attire into full uniform) and run back again. OC was unhappy with the time we take to fall in. I can't blame him. My squad has some serious punctuality issues. Sometimes, I wish people just weren't so selfish? And that they would value the time of others better.
Class was about just watching a few videos of surviving in a life raft should we ever have to abandon ship, Staff Sergeant Tan, who is my instructor, is a very nice, fine gentleman that instructs us without regard to our atrocious discipline. He is like the average kind of guy that does his part well and doesn't get involved with anything else. I really respect the guy. He's only a staff sergeant and yet he wears the prestigious RED anchor on his Coast Guard full uniform. The red anchor shows that he is a helmsman, the highest ship commanding and controlling position in the Coast Guard. OC has it too, but OC has like 30 years of experience and SSgt Tan only has like 7? He da man man!
I talked to OC about being posted to the Elite Costal Patrol Squadron. He said it was possible, but my chances were small, since in his previous batches, there were only like a 6% acceptance rate. Well I hope I can make it by doing well in this Marinetime Policing Course and get handpicked by the Superintendent (Whose also Deputy Commanding Officer of Police Coast Guard) to join the CPC (I know its supposed to be CPS, but its oddly abbreviated to CPC), where the Superintendent is also a Commanding Officer of.
Lunch, as usual, was disastrous, it was a combination of a badly fried chicken drumstick that had been boiled. Sgt Faizal, one of the new regulars that had joined the squad just a few days ago, gave me his lunch, citing that he ate "very little". Though the food is so bad, I still eat it because I am just SO hungry. I don't usually eat breakfast and so I subsist on just 2 meals a day, which I eat in larger portions.
In the afternoon, we had the most anticipated event of my training at this current phase. The Jetty Jump! Formally, it is referred to as a "Confidence Jump". Basically, I just strap on a lifejacket and jump into the water from the bow of a ship to simulate a "man overboard" or "abandon ship" scenario. The jump would normally be carried out from a height of 4 storeys, but due to safety requirements, it had been lowered substantially to just the bow of a Police Coast Guard Command Ship.
The Command Ship is the most powerful ship in the entire Police Coast Guard. It cost about at least 7 million dollars! It is equipped with the most advanced electronics, radar, communications, computers, surveillance, sonar, navigation, gyrostabilisers, steering and engines. It is used ONLY by very senior police officers who have to go out to a scene, if the need arises, on sea. It is very new, well crafted with safety in mind and has like a whole FLEET of windows for observation. In addition, it is the only Coast Guard boat to have its windows pointing DOWNWARDS (all the windows of the other boats point upwards). Only the best Helmsman that have done advanced nautical studies are allowed to board the ship, and steer it. So its like going to be my first and last time on that elite boat. The whole thing feels almost like a cruise ship!
I was given the "honor" of donning a "Toyo" lifejacket. Basically, this life jacket is a very compact one that folds away nicely and wears like a bulletproof vest, just that when in water, sensors in the jacket will fire up canisters containing carbon dioxide gas that will inflate the jacket and cause the wearer to float. One inflation cost anything from 25-70 bucks. They were so cheapskate that they gave us expired Toyo lifejackets! Expired in the sense that these jackets are very old and have a slight chance of not opening up on immersion into water.
I saw a liferaft being deployed before our eyes, it was an old one, 1986 model that had been frequently serviced. After jumping into the sea, I would have to form up with my group of 5 and then get into the liferaft, then crawl out and do a "cling row" back to the Command Ship. A "cling row" was to simple: just interlock our legs with our partner's torso and do a backstroke together, all five of us, together.
I jumped into the kallang river when it was my turn to jump. The hot weather made the river all the more inviting. I sunk quite deep and then, when the lifejacket did not deploy, started to look for the activation string. Before I could reach for it, the lifevest popped into life and brought me to the surface, putting much force on my neck and head. The Toyo lifejacket gives support on the neck and head (so you don't drown should you lose consciousness in the water), whereas the regular ones that everyone else wore gave support on the torso.
I drank a few mouthfuls of salty (and filthy) Kallang Basin Water, my group proceeded to the liferaft, where Rahmat and Eric pulled me up since I couldn't pull myself up onto the craft. We jumped out when given the all clear and did a cling row back to the command ship.
Later, we were given a demonstration on how to throw a life buoy to people in the water (life buoy is the "Ring" that is on all ships use for flotation). OC selected only 5 people to throw the buoy, but Senior Station Inspection John came by and when he saw their horrendous throwing, insisted that ALL of us have a go at it so that we would have a feel at how difficult it is to actually throw a life buoy accurately.
I was later praised for my consenciousness by OC for pulling up the lifebuoy after each throw and arranging the rope for the next thrower. OC requested that I be relieved of duty and Jaze gladly took over. Funny how come Chinese people always do all the support work, and the malays bicker that we aren't doing it properly, that's what I notice after all my life in police thus far. I gave throwing the buoy a shot, but missed really badly. Not at bad as some people who actually threw the buoy at OC and injured him!
Badang's father, Station Inspector Ali came by and gave us tips on how to throw a life buoy more effectively, he told us to never, never, never, throw the buoy BEHIND a struggling person, since a struggling person would not notice when in distress. He continued by saying that we can use the attached rope to control the range of the buoy and its trajectory. With 30 years of experience in the Coast Guard, its a few tips worth picking up.
SI Ali went on to say that, this skill is very important as he had lost 2 Staff Sergeants on his crew in the past who fell overboard and when the life buoy was thrown BEHIND them. Both SSGTs drowned as they could not notice a life buoy thrown behind them. Notwithstanding, rough sea conditions make attempting another throw even more difficult. How sombre that such simple skills can be used to save lives at sea!
I came back after that lesson, falling in with Wei Loong and Edmund having gone MIA (missing in action), OC was worried and sent Isa to hunt for them, only to realise later that the the two jokers had gone back to classroom to change into walk out attire! They were punished by both squads with 20 starjumps for "unfair advantage" (of course, OC had to approve their punishments!). Hahaha! How amusing indeed!
I quickly changed, had a debriefing about our exams and then I left for home. Life at home is so much simpler, just eat, sleep, play my computer, watch TV, read and relax! though I've to still arrange my room, which is still in a tremendous mess!
My bro and mum argued over tuition again, can't believe that they're always arguing over the topic of studies. One wants the other to do well and the other can't be bothered to study. Funny, talking to my bro just won't help, he's so immature and has a very simple minded thought process. But funny, dad seems to prefer him to me. Well, what can I do? the expectations of my parents are different for the both of us. I study hard, work hard and yet don't get much. My bro, fails all his exams, plays all the time and is like always getting more money than me, having more favor with my dad. Mum claims its because my brother bootlicks my dad, but who am I to judge? I'm not the sort who is willing to stoop so low as to "angkat" another person. I have my own pride, my own self image. I don't suck up to anyone. I feel that people who need other people to suck up to them are just overating their own importance.
I just chose to be honest in my dealings and not involved politically.
I went to mei's blog and found this note for me:
"kor, thanks for the compliments..i think you really thought too highly of me..i'm as human as you are, really. God did not make one human more inferior in complex to another. the only distinction in the human population lies between one who knows Christ and one who doesn't. ChristIAN, without Christ - I Am Nothing. We are both Christians running the same race, He is the Vine and we the branches - i don't see disparity amongst branches of a vine really! Will keep you in my prayers as you battle NS! all the way! :)"
Ah, she's so diplomatic! I beg to differ. I'm just a pathetic dried up rotten vine. Its so hard to just live a right Christian life that will please God! Its so hard. I honestly feel like giving up sometimes. Its like a war that I can never win, just ward off the attacks temporarily. Low self image again I would say. My self image is really bad and really low.
"Alwyn, you have really low self esteem" - Jane Choe, my Sec 4 physics teacher, who said this to me out of the blue.
Perhaps its true, I demean my worth in front of God. Charles once told me, "Don't put yourself down". But how can I not? When I compare myself to His Word and other Christians, I just feel soooooooo inferior. I feel like some people are just made to live great relationships with God and some, like me, just not. Always desiring to be there, but never there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming God. God is perfect, he can't make a mistake.
Sometimes I really wonder, why is a victorious Christian life so easy for some people, yet so hard for others? I cannot justify my own righteousness, sometimes I think that something is REALLY VERY WRONG WITH ME. =( I'll pray that God will give me some avenue of confidential help. Because I really really need it so badly.
Thank God for such a nice mei. No, I don't think I thought too highly of my mei, she's really what I've described her to be. No one's perfect, so little flaw here and there, its ok, but overall. She's really really nice. The guy whom she likes (I can't say love, because I'm not sure), is probably an exceedingly blessed guy to have my mei to like him. God bless you mei. -hugs-
I've realised that spell checking such entries are really slow! The Song "One Desire" by Hillsongs is currently my favourite Christian Worship Song, with Now that You're near my favourite praise. And ya, there's another picture of that girl again, her name's Jeri, sweet right? She's in the center.
Shu Yin once told me that its not worth reading the paper nowadays since its all full of bad news: earthquakes, people getting killed, suicide bombings, nuclear weapons, axis of evil, economic growth, retrenchment, restructuring, money and all kinds of crimes pertaining to the increasing lawlessness in the world. I think I'll just follow her suggestion and just read the LIFE section instead. Life has to go on. I have to do business as usual until the blessed hope.
Today, class in the morning was very very boring, we were late falling in at the designated area, thus our squad was asked to run back to our classroom (where we normally change from walk-out attire into full uniform) and run back again. OC was unhappy with the time we take to fall in. I can't blame him. My squad has some serious punctuality issues. Sometimes, I wish people just weren't so selfish? And that they would value the time of others better.
Class was about just watching a few videos of surviving in a life raft should we ever have to abandon ship, Staff Sergeant Tan, who is my instructor, is a very nice, fine gentleman that instructs us without regard to our atrocious discipline. He is like the average kind of guy that does his part well and doesn't get involved with anything else. I really respect the guy. He's only a staff sergeant and yet he wears the prestigious RED anchor on his Coast Guard full uniform. The red anchor shows that he is a helmsman, the highest ship commanding and controlling position in the Coast Guard. OC has it too, but OC has like 30 years of experience and SSgt Tan only has like 7? He da man man!
I talked to OC about being posted to the Elite Costal Patrol Squadron. He said it was possible, but my chances were small, since in his previous batches, there were only like a 6% acceptance rate. Well I hope I can make it by doing well in this Marinetime Policing Course and get handpicked by the Superintendent (Whose also Deputy Commanding Officer of Police Coast Guard) to join the CPC (I know its supposed to be CPS, but its oddly abbreviated to CPC), where the Superintendent is also a Commanding Officer of.
Lunch, as usual, was disastrous, it was a combination of a badly fried chicken drumstick that had been boiled. Sgt Faizal, one of the new regulars that had joined the squad just a few days ago, gave me his lunch, citing that he ate "very little". Though the food is so bad, I still eat it because I am just SO hungry. I don't usually eat breakfast and so I subsist on just 2 meals a day, which I eat in larger portions.
In the afternoon, we had the most anticipated event of my training at this current phase. The Jetty Jump! Formally, it is referred to as a "Confidence Jump". Basically, I just strap on a lifejacket and jump into the water from the bow of a ship to simulate a "man overboard" or "abandon ship" scenario. The jump would normally be carried out from a height of 4 storeys, but due to safety requirements, it had been lowered substantially to just the bow of a Police Coast Guard Command Ship.
The Command Ship is the most powerful ship in the entire Police Coast Guard. It cost about at least 7 million dollars! It is equipped with the most advanced electronics, radar, communications, computers, surveillance, sonar, navigation, gyrostabilisers, steering and engines. It is used ONLY by very senior police officers who have to go out to a scene, if the need arises, on sea. It is very new, well crafted with safety in mind and has like a whole FLEET of windows for observation. In addition, it is the only Coast Guard boat to have its windows pointing DOWNWARDS (all the windows of the other boats point upwards). Only the best Helmsman that have done advanced nautical studies are allowed to board the ship, and steer it. So its like going to be my first and last time on that elite boat. The whole thing feels almost like a cruise ship!
I was given the "honor" of donning a "Toyo" lifejacket. Basically, this life jacket is a very compact one that folds away nicely and wears like a bulletproof vest, just that when in water, sensors in the jacket will fire up canisters containing carbon dioxide gas that will inflate the jacket and cause the wearer to float. One inflation cost anything from 25-70 bucks. They were so cheapskate that they gave us expired Toyo lifejackets! Expired in the sense that these jackets are very old and have a slight chance of not opening up on immersion into water.
I saw a liferaft being deployed before our eyes, it was an old one, 1986 model that had been frequently serviced. After jumping into the sea, I would have to form up with my group of 5 and then get into the liferaft, then crawl out and do a "cling row" back to the Command Ship. A "cling row" was to simple: just interlock our legs with our partner's torso and do a backstroke together, all five of us, together.
I jumped into the kallang river when it was my turn to jump. The hot weather made the river all the more inviting. I sunk quite deep and then, when the lifejacket did not deploy, started to look for the activation string. Before I could reach for it, the lifevest popped into life and brought me to the surface, putting much force on my neck and head. The Toyo lifejacket gives support on the neck and head (so you don't drown should you lose consciousness in the water), whereas the regular ones that everyone else wore gave support on the torso.
I drank a few mouthfuls of salty (and filthy) Kallang Basin Water, my group proceeded to the liferaft, where Rahmat and Eric pulled me up since I couldn't pull myself up onto the craft. We jumped out when given the all clear and did a cling row back to the command ship.
Later, we were given a demonstration on how to throw a life buoy to people in the water (life buoy is the "Ring" that is on all ships use for flotation). OC selected only 5 people to throw the buoy, but Senior Station Inspection John came by and when he saw their horrendous throwing, insisted that ALL of us have a go at it so that we would have a feel at how difficult it is to actually throw a life buoy accurately.
I was later praised for my consenciousness by OC for pulling up the lifebuoy after each throw and arranging the rope for the next thrower. OC requested that I be relieved of duty and Jaze gladly took over. Funny how come Chinese people always do all the support work, and the malays bicker that we aren't doing it properly, that's what I notice after all my life in police thus far. I gave throwing the buoy a shot, but missed really badly. Not at bad as some people who actually threw the buoy at OC and injured him!
Badang's father, Station Inspector Ali came by and gave us tips on how to throw a life buoy more effectively, he told us to never, never, never, throw the buoy BEHIND a struggling person, since a struggling person would not notice when in distress. He continued by saying that we can use the attached rope to control the range of the buoy and its trajectory. With 30 years of experience in the Coast Guard, its a few tips worth picking up.
SI Ali went on to say that, this skill is very important as he had lost 2 Staff Sergeants on his crew in the past who fell overboard and when the life buoy was thrown BEHIND them. Both SSGTs drowned as they could not notice a life buoy thrown behind them. Notwithstanding, rough sea conditions make attempting another throw even more difficult. How sombre that such simple skills can be used to save lives at sea!
I came back after that lesson, falling in with Wei Loong and Edmund having gone MIA (missing in action), OC was worried and sent Isa to hunt for them, only to realise later that the the two jokers had gone back to classroom to change into walk out attire! They were punished by both squads with 20 starjumps for "unfair advantage" (of course, OC had to approve their punishments!). Hahaha! How amusing indeed!
I quickly changed, had a debriefing about our exams and then I left for home. Life at home is so much simpler, just eat, sleep, play my computer, watch TV, read and relax! though I've to still arrange my room, which is still in a tremendous mess!
My bro and mum argued over tuition again, can't believe that they're always arguing over the topic of studies. One wants the other to do well and the other can't be bothered to study. Funny, talking to my bro just won't help, he's so immature and has a very simple minded thought process. But funny, dad seems to prefer him to me. Well, what can I do? the expectations of my parents are different for the both of us. I study hard, work hard and yet don't get much. My bro, fails all his exams, plays all the time and is like always getting more money than me, having more favor with my dad. Mum claims its because my brother bootlicks my dad, but who am I to judge? I'm not the sort who is willing to stoop so low as to "angkat" another person. I have my own pride, my own self image. I don't suck up to anyone. I feel that people who need other people to suck up to them are just overating their own importance.
I just chose to be honest in my dealings and not involved politically.
I went to mei's blog and found this note for me:
"kor, thanks for the compliments..i think you really thought too highly of me..i'm as human as you are, really. God did not make one human more inferior in complex to another. the only distinction in the human population lies between one who knows Christ and one who doesn't. ChristIAN, without Christ - I Am Nothing. We are both Christians running the same race, He is the Vine and we the branches - i don't see disparity amongst branches of a vine really! Will keep you in my prayers as you battle NS! all the way! :)"
Ah, she's so diplomatic! I beg to differ. I'm just a pathetic dried up rotten vine. Its so hard to just live a right Christian life that will please God! Its so hard. I honestly feel like giving up sometimes. Its like a war that I can never win, just ward off the attacks temporarily. Low self image again I would say. My self image is really bad and really low.
"Alwyn, you have really low self esteem" - Jane Choe, my Sec 4 physics teacher, who said this to me out of the blue.
Perhaps its true, I demean my worth in front of God. Charles once told me, "Don't put yourself down". But how can I not? When I compare myself to His Word and other Christians, I just feel soooooooo inferior. I feel like some people are just made to live great relationships with God and some, like me, just not. Always desiring to be there, but never there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming God. God is perfect, he can't make a mistake.
Sometimes I really wonder, why is a victorious Christian life so easy for some people, yet so hard for others? I cannot justify my own righteousness, sometimes I think that something is REALLY VERY WRONG WITH ME. =( I'll pray that God will give me some avenue of confidential help. Because I really really need it so badly.
Thank God for such a nice mei. No, I don't think I thought too highly of my mei, she's really what I've described her to be. No one's perfect, so little flaw here and there, its ok, but overall. She's really really nice. The guy whom she likes (I can't say love, because I'm not sure), is probably an exceedingly blessed guy to have my mei to like him. God bless you mei. -hugs-
I've realised that spell checking such entries are really slow! The Song "One Desire" by Hillsongs is currently my favourite Christian Worship Song, with Now that You're near my favourite praise. And ya, there's another picture of that girl again, her name's Jeri, sweet right? She's in the center.
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