Last Night, 4th May at about 12.13, blogger was down so I couldn't post anything.
"The Truth hurts" - Benjamin Cheong
"The Truth hurts, so don't batter people over their heads with the Truth" - Pastor (Dr Kong)
My blog has been discovered! I've just character assassinated myself over the net! And of all persons to discover it. It was my mei, Jan! Argh, I feel so ashamed! Its like my confessions have been recorded and are now shown on live TV for the whole world to see! It feels so weird that suddenly, someone knows who I really am, how I really behave, think and what kind of opinions I hold to.
My mei lost her "beloved" Nokia 8210 yesterday and icqed me for my number. The conversation led on the things of God, like tithing and offering and finally cumulating in the one statement that gave me a huge jolt in my computer chair.
"I think you shouldn't feel too bad though you only put in 3 bucks this morning"
I almost got a heart attack and died! How did she find out about my secret confessional on the net? And to think that I did not even give the URL to ANYONE! So my guess is that her "resources" are that she probably resolved my i.p or my host and then went through my browser history and somehow or other, ended up on my blog. Assuming she read every entry. My so called "holier than thou" image that she might have had of me has now all but been shattered.
Its really so easy to put up a facade, everyone does! (I would dare to say that) But I would rather be very much more content to present myself as who I really am. That my physical and spiritual testimonies match. Then I wouldn't have to act in a particular way with a particular group of people anymore.
I've been showing myself as like four different persons in this life: One to the people at church, another to the people at ACJC CF, another to my class and ACJC class buddies and another to people online. Often I've prayed to God to make my physical and spiritual testimonies match and quit being so hypocritical anymore.
I told my mei to give a good offering to God with a cheerful heart, when I myself feel guilty about not giving enough to God. I am SO ashamed of myself.
Later when I read my blog through one time, I felt that I myself, couldn't face up to who I really was. Nothing more than a guy suffering from low self esteem trying to act big and cool in front of the people I know. At least now I am comforted by the fact that I need not put up a shammy facade in front of my mei, who is like supposed to be a closer friend.
How would I explain my mei? Well, she's my sister In-Christ, cos we're both believers. Yet she's occupies this special place for relations in between that of a girlfriend and a very good friend? She's like closer than my close buddies at school, but far enough that we won't be connected romantically in anyway? Yea, I'll leave it as that. I wouldn't call her my godsister. Because, well, I could say that I do not love (phileos) her enough.
I actually forgot to wish her a happy birthday this year, didn't send her a present and at the same time I don't even talk to her online! Partly cos I can get info from her blog and party cos I guess I'm not really that close to her as most of her good friends are.
Well, we talked about God, my terrible relationship with my King, and thankfully, she encouraged me here and there. Thank God I have such a wonderful mei, whose willing to support me at this stage of life. After talking to her, I felt encouraged to talk to Father God and I felt that I had well, a closer friendship with her
How would I describe her? She's really really caring, kind, patient, sincere, honest, gentle, nice. She has an attitude of love towards her friends and even more so to her family. She's street-smart, intelligent and mature. I can say she's a committed Christian, loves God very much and desires to do God's Will in her life.There are many more things I can say about her, but that'll be later.
Ironically, not too many years ago, I was just a "weird guy" to her. Can't blame her, I get misunderstood by everyone in life. And how she became my mei is another amusing yet serious affair that I shan't mention, its quite well, Net-Personal? I only met her in person last year, sometime in February, outside room 2.10 at about 4.36 in school. At that time, she had a really bad sore throat, nevertheless, I was always impressed with the way she carried herself.
Thank God for you mei. God bless you always. I will keep you in my prayers to to The Father. If I had money right now, I would send you via overnight Fed-Ex a brand new Nokia 7250. I'm totally broke, but someone once told me,
"it's not the gift, it's the thought that counts"
I went to bed and prayed to God. I had a very honest time pouring out my heart to the Lord. I cried to God, told him about my character, my relationship with Him. I don't know why, but its like when I really honest with God, I realise how truly unworthy am I to be loved my an Almightly Creator of the Universe. Can't believe He's willing to sacrifice His only Son for me? And I have not given Him my ALL in return. He deserves all my praise and more.
I cried in church today, during worship. I could feel the deep presence of God, something I had not felt in a long time. Of course, I often just wipe away my tears as fast as possible, feeling that its "unmanly" to shed tears. It's amazing to read in the Bible that God actually bottles up all my tears and makes a written log of them in Heaven. Wow, how much He Cares!
Before I went offline, I send this verse to mei via ICQ, it's so true:
"My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and portion for ever" - Psalms 73:26 (KJV)
"The Truth hurts" - Benjamin Cheong
"The Truth hurts, so don't batter people over their heads with the Truth" - Pastor (Dr Kong)
My blog has been discovered! I've just character assassinated myself over the net! And of all persons to discover it. It was my mei, Jan! Argh, I feel so ashamed! Its like my confessions have been recorded and are now shown on live TV for the whole world to see! It feels so weird that suddenly, someone knows who I really am, how I really behave, think and what kind of opinions I hold to.
My mei lost her "beloved" Nokia 8210 yesterday and icqed me for my number. The conversation led on the things of God, like tithing and offering and finally cumulating in the one statement that gave me a huge jolt in my computer chair.
"I think you shouldn't feel too bad though you only put in 3 bucks this morning"
I almost got a heart attack and died! How did she find out about my secret confessional on the net? And to think that I did not even give the URL to ANYONE! So my guess is that her "resources" are that she probably resolved my i.p or my host and then went through my browser history and somehow or other, ended up on my blog. Assuming she read every entry. My so called "holier than thou" image that she might have had of me has now all but been shattered.
Its really so easy to put up a facade, everyone does! (I would dare to say that) But I would rather be very much more content to present myself as who I really am. That my physical and spiritual testimonies match. Then I wouldn't have to act in a particular way with a particular group of people anymore.
I've been showing myself as like four different persons in this life: One to the people at church, another to the people at ACJC CF, another to my class and ACJC class buddies and another to people online. Often I've prayed to God to make my physical and spiritual testimonies match and quit being so hypocritical anymore.
I told my mei to give a good offering to God with a cheerful heart, when I myself feel guilty about not giving enough to God. I am SO ashamed of myself.
Later when I read my blog through one time, I felt that I myself, couldn't face up to who I really was. Nothing more than a guy suffering from low self esteem trying to act big and cool in front of the people I know. At least now I am comforted by the fact that I need not put up a shammy facade in front of my mei, who is like supposed to be a closer friend.
How would I explain my mei? Well, she's my sister In-Christ, cos we're both believers. Yet she's occupies this special place for relations in between that of a girlfriend and a very good friend? She's like closer than my close buddies at school, but far enough that we won't be connected romantically in anyway? Yea, I'll leave it as that. I wouldn't call her my godsister. Because, well, I could say that I do not love (phileos) her enough.
I actually forgot to wish her a happy birthday this year, didn't send her a present and at the same time I don't even talk to her online! Partly cos I can get info from her blog and party cos I guess I'm not really that close to her as most of her good friends are.
Well, we talked about God, my terrible relationship with my King, and thankfully, she encouraged me here and there. Thank God I have such a wonderful mei, whose willing to support me at this stage of life. After talking to her, I felt encouraged to talk to Father God and I felt that I had well, a closer friendship with her
How would I describe her? She's really really caring, kind, patient, sincere, honest, gentle, nice. She has an attitude of love towards her friends and even more so to her family. She's street-smart, intelligent and mature. I can say she's a committed Christian, loves God very much and desires to do God's Will in her life.There are many more things I can say about her, but that'll be later.
Ironically, not too many years ago, I was just a "weird guy" to her. Can't blame her, I get misunderstood by everyone in life. And how she became my mei is another amusing yet serious affair that I shan't mention, its quite well, Net-Personal? I only met her in person last year, sometime in February, outside room 2.10 at about 4.36 in school. At that time, she had a really bad sore throat, nevertheless, I was always impressed with the way she carried herself.
Thank God for you mei. God bless you always. I will keep you in my prayers to to The Father. If I had money right now, I would send you via overnight Fed-Ex a brand new Nokia 7250. I'm totally broke, but someone once told me,
"it's not the gift, it's the thought that counts"
I went to bed and prayed to God. I had a very honest time pouring out my heart to the Lord. I cried to God, told him about my character, my relationship with Him. I don't know why, but its like when I really honest with God, I realise how truly unworthy am I to be loved my an Almightly Creator of the Universe. Can't believe He's willing to sacrifice His only Son for me? And I have not given Him my ALL in return. He deserves all my praise and more.
I cried in church today, during worship. I could feel the deep presence of God, something I had not felt in a long time. Of course, I often just wipe away my tears as fast as possible, feeling that its "unmanly" to shed tears. It's amazing to read in the Bible that God actually bottles up all my tears and makes a written log of them in Heaven. Wow, how much He Cares!
Before I went offline, I send this verse to mei via ICQ, it's so true:
"My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and portion for ever" - Psalms 73:26 (KJV)
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