Mania Is Good
Mania Is Good
Listening to Jimmy Eat World - 23
I'm getting old. We're all getting old. The ever increasing brash of 21st birthday parties seemingly sweeping over us as we cross the line into theoretical adulthood. I know it would be highly idea to return to the innocence of our youth, to return to the time when things were simpler and less complicated. And perhaps, to revolve around bed times, television cartoons and playgrounds. How much there is a longing indeed for the time past us. Yet we must all grow up. One way or another - yet I certainly hope none of us lose our childish childhood charm. That little kid inside us comes in very useful as we look toward the next generation.
Its been good knowing and seeing the blossming of happiness that is love in the midst of the mist. At the same time, does it not sting or pinge of a sense of bitterness whenever the coveted peer pressure status of singlehood still allures to be a path that many chose to tread upon? I don't really know here, then again, sometimes, feelings are just too complex to be explained.
I was thinking about many things, in my usual manifold nonsense of having my thoughts branch out randomly as I have free time to myself. I realise that philosophers can't even define, perhaps even declare a meaning for the emotion/feeling of happy. And yet happiness, I believe, it is a feeling, an emotion that while it is greatly cherished by a great number of people - it is one that eludes many in the daily grind of our fast paced life. Wearing artificial smiles, bursting into pre-conceived stressful jokes that bring the whole house down. Smiling like it is the only thing expected of us and saying that "everything's good" or that "things are fine" whenever people ask us "how are you?". Ah, indeed, the ironies of life.
I was never the intellectual thinker kind of person. Often prefering to sit in one corner and watch the world go by - just doing some semblance of self-reflecting. Yet know as I've aged and it is with much thanks to national service for stirring and waking up the strong thoughts of a phelgmatic soul within me to define the acceptable boundaries of government, society, and so on in a personal manner. I now understand that this world, this life, it is alot of more complex than I could have ever imagined it to be as a child. Somehow, I regret that the child-wonder that many of us used to have in our younger days has now given way to muted-surprised. Or even feelings of suppression to mantain our "calm exterior". Pardon me for writing and blogging in such an abstract and whimsically strange manner. Its just me.
I recall, with fondness in the past, as my boat cruised through Marina Bay in the evenings. I could see with my night vision equipment, the countless couples - sitting by the bay. All mirred in their deep thoughts. Mired with the happiness of just being together. As pessimistic as my nature befalls me. It is only natural that I slant towards the optimist side as well as the gravitate towards group happiness whenever I see a couple embracing one way or another in cherished peace and happiness. It is really like they say it is - "a world of our own". Although I probably can not go further to define as such. There is a boundary when theoretical knowledge becomes purely practical at times.
Sometimes, even as I take pictures of the Esplanade at night, or the CBD, or the Merlion as I walk through those places in the darkness of the night. Where all the buildings are lit up in the orange glory. It is almost like an expectation, that every 7 or 8 steps I take. I'll past by another happy set. The darkness offering the paper-thin wall of privacy and as for the sake of being nice and all. I often wonder what really goes on in the corner of my eye even as I peek into the viewfinder of a camera. If you really care about a person, you have to show it right? So then I guess God is really good to teach me a few things about the "love". Perhaps not in how I can define it - but more towards expressing it in everyday life.
I know, this is not like Alwyn. To talk about "love". Eeks. A highly revulsive topic that I seldom touch upon. Yet I'm inspired. One way or another. That factors of collusion start to wreck havoc in the staunchly firm and narrow mindedness of the brain. Expanding my horizons once again. If you really love someone, chances are... there are ways and means to share the deepest desire and the innermost kept feelings of our heart? I laugh at times when I realise that indeed, in such circumstances, our hearts and our minds are in disagreement to each other. So which one will you take then? A love shaped by the theories and philosophies of the mind. Or one that goes for the feelings and inner set impulses of the heart? I don't know. I haven't made my choice either.
They say that if you really love someone, you have to set them free. And if they come back to you - it is yours. However should they never return. Then it was never meant to be. Contrast this with the number of highly possessive couples I have walked across in my short two decades on this planet. I thank the Void Deck for the tremendous inspiration at times when it comes to such issues. Then again, not many guys are willing to be left out in the cold and be forced to "lower their expectations" in later life for all sorts of reason too complex for me to state in my own thoughts. True care will show in actions. Actions come in many sorts I guess - and I really don't know where to even start. Life is so strange sometimes.
I waited a long long time. Only in regret that she never returned. Whilst I'm not bitter about the whole episode. It has certainly taught me a few things and matured my mind a little bit more (contrary to what everyone thinks of me but a crapster). Some things in life can never be forced. Other things in life just remain idealistic illusions of grandeur. Vagaries of Perception that will never come to past. For some strange reason or another - My brother seemingly has very similar tastes of music in the area of depressive-rock music. Yes. Just on this niche side of me, since I listen to so much Jazz. And I type this, Jimmy Eat World's "23" blasts on repeat on my iTunes. Check it out:
Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what Ill never have
I wont always live in my regrets
Youll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here and now Im ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
I know usually everyone skips the italics in any blog. I do. But at least make it a point to browse through the lyrics. My goodness. Probably expresses what I have to say at times - and indeed. Sometimes certain things in life are too difficult to express. They are like trying to understand the multigrades of black and white film. Or quantum physics. Sometimes, I wonder if many people live on for a hope that has long past? I wonder sometimes if people ponder all the "what if"s and its associated rambling theories? I think it applies to many of the key decisions in our lives to - to look at the gate we have passed and is now shut in our face and just stare at it and wonder with regret in our hearts - "What If".
My life is short. In the meantime, whilst I carry on my life. It is suddenly strange to be free at last. No more time committments at least for a while. At least I can forsee myself going swimming everyday for quite some time. Drowning my head in a pool of water. I care deeply for certain things in my life. Yet I know that I have to give them up one way or another. With much sadness as well due to certain circumstances around me now. Perhaps I might stare back a few years down the road with much regret to the decisions I make at this point of time in my life. Then again. It is not wise to live a life of regret. It only hurts us, reminds us of our past mistakes, grinds us to the ground and sucks away, drains away the joy we have in living for the present and maybe even altering our hopes for the future.
I know that my life will change drastically within the coming months. Alot of things that I wish would never happen will happen. Many things that I know I should not do I will have to do. And things that I truly treasure and enjoy, I will have to give up and go another path with. I will fade away, from the radar screens of many people that I know. To be by myself. Once again.
Listening to Jimmy Eat World - 23
I'm getting old. We're all getting old. The ever increasing brash of 21st birthday parties seemingly sweeping over us as we cross the line into theoretical adulthood. I know it would be highly idea to return to the innocence of our youth, to return to the time when things were simpler and less complicated. And perhaps, to revolve around bed times, television cartoons and playgrounds. How much there is a longing indeed for the time past us. Yet we must all grow up. One way or another - yet I certainly hope none of us lose our childish childhood charm. That little kid inside us comes in very useful as we look toward the next generation.
Its been good knowing and seeing the blossming of happiness that is love in the midst of the mist. At the same time, does it not sting or pinge of a sense of bitterness whenever the coveted peer pressure status of singlehood still allures to be a path that many chose to tread upon? I don't really know here, then again, sometimes, feelings are just too complex to be explained.
I was thinking about many things, in my usual manifold nonsense of having my thoughts branch out randomly as I have free time to myself. I realise that philosophers can't even define, perhaps even declare a meaning for the emotion/feeling of happy. And yet happiness, I believe, it is a feeling, an emotion that while it is greatly cherished by a great number of people - it is one that eludes many in the daily grind of our fast paced life. Wearing artificial smiles, bursting into pre-conceived stressful jokes that bring the whole house down. Smiling like it is the only thing expected of us and saying that "everything's good" or that "things are fine" whenever people ask us "how are you?". Ah, indeed, the ironies of life.
I was never the intellectual thinker kind of person. Often prefering to sit in one corner and watch the world go by - just doing some semblance of self-reflecting. Yet know as I've aged and it is with much thanks to national service for stirring and waking up the strong thoughts of a phelgmatic soul within me to define the acceptable boundaries of government, society, and so on in a personal manner. I now understand that this world, this life, it is alot of more complex than I could have ever imagined it to be as a child. Somehow, I regret that the child-wonder that many of us used to have in our younger days has now given way to muted-surprised. Or even feelings of suppression to mantain our "calm exterior". Pardon me for writing and blogging in such an abstract and whimsically strange manner. Its just me.
I recall, with fondness in the past, as my boat cruised through Marina Bay in the evenings. I could see with my night vision equipment, the countless couples - sitting by the bay. All mirred in their deep thoughts. Mired with the happiness of just being together. As pessimistic as my nature befalls me. It is only natural that I slant towards the optimist side as well as the gravitate towards group happiness whenever I see a couple embracing one way or another in cherished peace and happiness. It is really like they say it is - "a world of our own". Although I probably can not go further to define as such. There is a boundary when theoretical knowledge becomes purely practical at times.
Sometimes, even as I take pictures of the Esplanade at night, or the CBD, or the Merlion as I walk through those places in the darkness of the night. Where all the buildings are lit up in the orange glory. It is almost like an expectation, that every 7 or 8 steps I take. I'll past by another happy set. The darkness offering the paper-thin wall of privacy and as for the sake of being nice and all. I often wonder what really goes on in the corner of my eye even as I peek into the viewfinder of a camera. If you really care about a person, you have to show it right? So then I guess God is really good to teach me a few things about the "love". Perhaps not in how I can define it - but more towards expressing it in everyday life.
I know, this is not like Alwyn. To talk about "love". Eeks. A highly revulsive topic that I seldom touch upon. Yet I'm inspired. One way or another. That factors of collusion start to wreck havoc in the staunchly firm and narrow mindedness of the brain. Expanding my horizons once again. If you really love someone, chances are... there are ways and means to share the deepest desire and the innermost kept feelings of our heart? I laugh at times when I realise that indeed, in such circumstances, our hearts and our minds are in disagreement to each other. So which one will you take then? A love shaped by the theories and philosophies of the mind. Or one that goes for the feelings and inner set impulses of the heart? I don't know. I haven't made my choice either.
They say that if you really love someone, you have to set them free. And if they come back to you - it is yours. However should they never return. Then it was never meant to be. Contrast this with the number of highly possessive couples I have walked across in my short two decades on this planet. I thank the Void Deck for the tremendous inspiration at times when it comes to such issues. Then again, not many guys are willing to be left out in the cold and be forced to "lower their expectations" in later life for all sorts of reason too complex for me to state in my own thoughts. True care will show in actions. Actions come in many sorts I guess - and I really don't know where to even start. Life is so strange sometimes.
I waited a long long time. Only in regret that she never returned. Whilst I'm not bitter about the whole episode. It has certainly taught me a few things and matured my mind a little bit more (contrary to what everyone thinks of me but a crapster). Some things in life can never be forced. Other things in life just remain idealistic illusions of grandeur. Vagaries of Perception that will never come to past. For some strange reason or another - My brother seemingly has very similar tastes of music in the area of depressive-rock music. Yes. Just on this niche side of me, since I listen to so much Jazz. And I type this, Jimmy Eat World's "23" blasts on repeat on my iTunes. Check it out:
Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what Ill never have
I wont always live in my regrets
Youll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here and now Im ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
I know usually everyone skips the italics in any blog. I do. But at least make it a point to browse through the lyrics. My goodness. Probably expresses what I have to say at times - and indeed. Sometimes certain things in life are too difficult to express. They are like trying to understand the multigrades of black and white film. Or quantum physics. Sometimes, I wonder if many people live on for a hope that has long past? I wonder sometimes if people ponder all the "what if"s and its associated rambling theories? I think it applies to many of the key decisions in our lives to - to look at the gate we have passed and is now shut in our face and just stare at it and wonder with regret in our hearts - "What If".
My life is short. In the meantime, whilst I carry on my life. It is suddenly strange to be free at last. No more time committments at least for a while. At least I can forsee myself going swimming everyday for quite some time. Drowning my head in a pool of water. I care deeply for certain things in my life. Yet I know that I have to give them up one way or another. With much sadness as well due to certain circumstances around me now. Perhaps I might stare back a few years down the road with much regret to the decisions I make at this point of time in my life. Then again. It is not wise to live a life of regret. It only hurts us, reminds us of our past mistakes, grinds us to the ground and sucks away, drains away the joy we have in living for the present and maybe even altering our hopes for the future.
I know that my life will change drastically within the coming months. Alot of things that I wish would never happen will happen. Many things that I know I should not do I will have to do. And things that I truly treasure and enjoy, I will have to give up and go another path with. I will fade away, from the radar screens of many people that I know. To be by myself. Once again.
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