The End of The Road
Time Check: 2.41a.m - 14th April 2005
I have come to learn that Alfian - a treasured friend in the police force, a friend in police academy, a friend in acjc has passed away due to a motorbike accident. I'm very sad. This is the same person that sat next to me in my sergeant promotion course in police academy a year ago. This is the same person who enlisted into the same company as me in police academy three weeks before I passed out. This is the same person that I know in ACJC to be truly funny, truly nonsense and so full of himself in an utterly funny manner. Few can rival his sense of humour, even fewer his heck-care attitude and brashness in bringing forth topics. I remember that as we sat together in that lecture theatre in police academy just a year ago - we were flipping through a copy of Today and 8 days - so betting that Sandy Chua wouldn't win Ms Singapore-Universe. He is the one who wrote the guide to the ACJC Canteen Stalls that has never failed to bring chuckles to many. I've always known him to be an adventurous person, a person with much passion and zest for life. He has always been the one person in the dog unit that I told all my boat mates about knowing. He was the one person I knew who worked hand in hand with the coast guard by ensuring security and safety at our borders. All I can say that, in the short time that I knew him in this life. He has taught me the meaning of being funny. He has made me laugh so much at the many times I've met him. I always knew how much he loved speed. How much he enjoyed racing in his motorbike. Its very sad to read in his last blog post - just written a scant 2 days ago, ended with a note about plans of buying a new bike. It shocked me to learnt that his current one cost him his life. I'm very sad and can only begin to feel a scant amount of the pain that his loved ones and closer friends know. Such is the ironies of life. Its very sad, even painful and difficult to dull the sadness when people that I've known, who have only lived their two short decades on this planet complete their time and have to go. Alfian. Rest in Peace. You will be missed greatly by me.
The End of The Road
Ok. The previous post was directed at The Brother. Who has happily given my blog link to my mother! Argh! I think too many people read my blog. Already half the class reads my blog - more to come. And to be honest, even though I dont' really check or keep tabs - the counter down there has been jumping like crazy since december. This blog used to have a regular readership of 2 when it started out 2 years ago. Then it was 4. Then 20. I'm not really into the mass market like miss snowing. Since 90% of what I blog about is abstractions of nonsense that I can cook up randomly on the fly.
Now I get 70 hits a day! Unique hits! No! Where did the other 50 people come from? Of course, this is nothing compared to Gabriel's Balderdash or Adri's Popagandhi. But. This is ridiculous man! Especially since I've written down so much nonsense that anyone who reads this blog fully will have a laughably funny and strange idea of my quirky thoughts and ramblings in all directions. My goodness! The Horror! The Horror! When mum reads the blog! Argh! I don't know what to do! I don't think I can continue blogging anymore! I think its time for me to either practise a heavy version of self-censorship, which wouldn't be very nice. Or else I have to vacate this place and shift my blog. Which also wouldn't be very nice. Else I would have to just terminate the typing process for all that its worth.
I guess there's no harm ending my blogging "career" that has spanned nearly 2 years already. I have to defintely thank a few people out there who have sort of inspired me to log onto blogger.com two years ago and to sign up for an account. I think I've spent a great deal of time typing in nonsensically long and rambling posts in the beginning. Nowadays, what takes up most of my time to "prepare" for a post would be editing the pictures as well as conjuring up some proper thought that don't slice into Slavery else Past Memories of the those Twelve Years. I don't know. I guess some people enjoy reading all this nonsense that I put out. Whilst most others aren't interested. I've got to thank you for all your support.
Well let's see. When I add up the costs, besides the great amount of time involved as well as the additional time required on photo-shoots, photo editing and uploading and the like. I could say that photographs take up the greatest amount of time on my blog. The best thing is that I usually put all the good pictures on my posts - and hence my pbase account goes without virtually any updates. Yet I have to say that in over a year of photography, my pictures have definitely improved one way or another. Not that I've found a vision or anything. More like practise makes perfect. Usually I shoot with a few thoughts in mind whilst transposing the rest into my technical mastery of whatever level that I can reach in order to create my pictures. The rest is basically digital darkroom techniques in photoshop. Not too bad I guess. =) Time flies.
Nevertheless I admit that as I post up more pictures, I realise that the quality of the written post goes down the drain. And the only posts that seem to be extremely popular after all this time are about (1) Girls (2) University admissions (3) Life in ACJC (which is one chunk about girls too). I've been pondering a long time over the lack of creative thought in what to write. Its easy to write a journal about what I did today. Its even easier to just jot down random nonsensical thoughts. But to give one's thoughts some time for a proper think-through as well as an organisation before it is blogged out - no matter how haphazardly it might be. Its not so easy. I'll lapse into repetitively repeating the same point over and over again if I'm not careful with my typing.
The pros of blogging that it is one time killer on a boring day. The other thing is that I've learnt to type slightly faster and more accurately after these two years at practise in front of the computer doing copious amounts of tapping at the keyboard. Photoshop techniques too, are a little bit better than what they used to be. Other than that, nothing much I guess. My life isn't as exciting as I wish it would be - non-stop attendance of parties and the like. Sadly, my hobbies branch into the introverted, soloists and the unpopularly boring kinds. I notice that I like hobbies that are very individualistic - photography, cycling, swimming and computers. Even when it comes to reading - I read all sorts of abstract stuff that no one else in their right frame of mind would touch. Other than that, even my taste of music is considered to be crass by my brother. Of course, to me, his appreciation of rock rock and more rock and heavy metal is just on the side of garbage to me as well. Oh well. That's life I guess.
I've written so much nonsense and too many personal details and that is why I no longer put up a link to my archives. Of course, enterprisingly smarter people should have no problems digging out the link and the like and having a free reign to surfing the previous posts in my blog. Nevertheless, its been good. Soemtimes I really admire how people can write so little and say so much. I'm on the side that writes so much and says so little. I lack brevity in my writing - although it might just be interesting every now and then. Others like Charmaine, write so eloquently and in such wonderful prose that sometimes, I really wonder how it is possible for them to conjure up such flawless a flow of words that stimulate and create emotions in them. Nevertheless, its has been good writing so much and sharing a little bit more of myself here.
Today's the 13th of April. Initially I wanted to end my blogging on the 30th of April and to focus on the other details of my life. I realise that this is probably the worse layout of all the layouts I have ever put for this blog. Yet I acknowledge that I was never good in art - having failed it so miserably in secondary school. I don't think anyone can get lower than 5/100 for art overall in their life in one year's worth of art classes - weighing in culmulative averages. I can't draw - that's why I took up photography as well. The pencil in my hand is no more than a partner to the eraser. Sigh.
Well I don't know much about the future. There are many things that I have to contend with and I can say for sure that my life will change greatly several weeks from now. Entering into uni, doing things that I've not done in a long time, becoming a student again. And scratching upon the surface of the working world and attempting to fit into the shoes of an adult. Where people look at me for responsiblity in life as well as expect very much more. I still feel that I've grown up too fast. We've all grown up too fast indeed. And while the future might be bleak/scary/strange a prospect for some. Inevitably, its wiser to grasp hold of the few precious strands of youth we have left and preserve them for the posterity of the sanity of our older selves. I can slowly see myself becoming a grave old man very soon. One that no longer jokes and is too serious all the time. Will I be that way? I think so.
Someone once told me in the Void Deck that men are like Fine Wine. As they age they mature and increase in the vintage of their values. Yet it depends so much. I know that I have so much more things to share on this blog that I never will be able to share. The 4 Fun-O-Rama posts that I owe everyone. Like 16 of us shivering at 3a.m in Brother's room whilst they snuggle under the covers. Walking around like a yet-to-be-degaussed radar screen at 7a.m on the morning on the 2 of 2 of 2. Such I guess I will never have a fine opportunity to share with all of you here. Its good to look to past and preserve some of our happy memories. They are like the anchors to our youth in our older days. Nevertheless, I hope that someday, we can gather a large number of people from my batch in school and we can all write in stories and have a thick collection of stories published for a fundraiser or something. Once an ACSian, always an ACSian.
Yellow and Blue it is indeed. Today marks the day, that I will go for my very last photo-shoot with Nico. And after tonight, a few more presses of the shutter button in May. Add a few more days. And then I will hang up my camera and retire from photography. I've searched for a vision for one year. And it has been terribly dissapointing indeed. I don't know what to say, then again, I figure that giving up is probably the best course of action. I'm just no talented in photography. So I still don't know what my talents are. So far I know that I can't do sports, I can't study very well academically, I'm not anywhere near computers, bicycles or toastmasters. Nor am I near photography. Nico is planning to put his cameras and lenses into the dry cabinet for one last time after we finish one more roll of medium format film and 20 more exposures of 35mm film. After this, we will quit photography altogether. Enjoy the simple pleasures of cycling around Singapore at 4.30a.m in the morning and take up cooking - no matter how bad that might sound.
I guess I have to learn to fully be independent. Washing my clothes and really mastering how to iron them seamlessly. To live a life alone in independence if certain things in life do not go as planned or work out. I'm thinking very hard about some key issues in life right now, yet I can't make a decision. I know that once I branch into my university life. Then alot of things are just going to change and swamp me from all fronts. I still chose to be dedicated to God (even though I'm a pretty crappy Christian from all fronts) and to trust and rely on Him even in the darkest hours of my life in the future. Life is unfair, But God is fair. Of course, if you don't believe in God - then that's another thing lah. But I've seen enough in my short two decades on this planet to prove to me that God is really real and He has been very good to me all this while. Truly, faithful to me even when I have been unfaithful towards him.
I know many of you might be dissapointed and wonder why I'm chosing to let whatever knowledge and passion and enjoyment of photography go. Well, for starters, it is a very expensive hobby. I've done my calculations and basically, I've spent almost 70% of all the money I've earned in slavery on my hobby. I could be very well much better off with having such a good amount of cash in hand instead of equipment that loses its value very quickly on a day by day basis. The next reason is the lack of support in Singapore. I find that Singapore is a terribly unfriendly place for most hobbies. Like we are such a work-driven society that hobbies just have to take a back seat in all fronts. Most of the Ah Peks I have met only laugh at me and Nico because we are "too young" for it. Being laughed at in a camera shop when we ask for medium format film for the first time doesn't really build up one's self esteem very much either. The next reason would be the lack of support from people around me. Sad to say, my mum thinks that none of the pictures I've taken are of any good. So I usually don't bother to show them to her anymore. Besides, there is only so much rejection one can take when people keep refusing to pose for shots... or even their own portrait shots. Singaporeans are just too self-conscious when it comes to their looks. Not every photographer out there is out to take pictures of them and post it on all those unwholesome girl-gawking websites for the world to see. Thus far, I guess even my class didn't appreciate my hobby for at least the last one year. So - that was pretty discouraging too. The last reason is that I don't want photography to take my time away from God. You know - an idol? Yeah. I don't think I need to elaborate on this any further.
I've stopped taking pictures for quite some time already. Especially after the ACS Founder's Day Celebration at the indoor stadium this year. Its been discouraging generally. And maybe I give up just too easily. Most of the pictures you see on my blog, if you save them into your computers and view the "date modified" or read off the EXIF data on the pictures - were mostly taken 2 or 3 months ago. That was a time when I had a great deal of inspiration and strong passion for my craft. Now it is all but gone and has all but degenerated into nothing. I'm sad. But what else can I do? Nothing. So I guess I'll have to give up this hobby once and for all. I'll sell off all my equipment shortly after May to get back some money. Probably put this money back into my savings. Sigh. I guess I also owe a personal explaination to some of you who read my blog and have supported me all this while. Thank you so much for your support. Nevertheless, all good things must come to an end.
Photography by Stephanie Lee
I care deeply for many people and many things. Unfortunately, it is not in my introverted nature to express it out loud well in a clear and coherent manner. While I might speak well and talk loud - for those who know me in real life. These are just things that I feel passionate about. Other than that, I wouldn't even bother. And usually, I usually talk about "things" and "events". But very seldom about "feelings". Its one of the areas of myself that I certainly don't express myself well. And I guess its not very good. So I'll see what I can do about it. Other than this and that I guess I'll have to go through and do some things that I've put off for a very very long period of time in my life after the closure of this part of the chapter of my life. Life is as such. When one door closes, another door opens. And I'll just let it be. Change, is the only constant.
I'm not really sure what else to say here. Maybe one of them would be that, while I know the regulars who read my blog and leave their comments all the time. For those of you who lurk and never leave comments. Kindly leave one at the end of this post. So that at least I might know who you are. Perhaps a blog link or an email address would be very nice too. Other than that. I can be contacted by email at 24carriers [at] usa [dot] net. My MSN email address will be alwynloh [at] hotmail [dot] com. For those of you who use icq, which I prefer. My UIN is 131-160. Other than that, I'll leave my friendster link here and will be contactable at least through the friendster messenging system. If you don't wish to leave a blog comment here - kindly send me a message through friendster.
Well, I guess I'll do one final update of my pbase account in May, after I have sold off all my equipment. Beyond that, that will be about it, unless by some miracle or provision of God - certain things go my way and I'm blessed with much to jump start my interest and hobby again. The Bible says that "hope deferred makes the heart sick". Its been deferred for far too long already and I'm jus terribly worn down, tired and sick of it. I've lost my love and pleasure in taking pictures. Well, I guess in a few hours time when I finally fold up and keep my tripod for the very last time. They might be the best pictures I've ever taken, but that will be unlikely. Nico will handle my camera 80% of the time as I've told him to do so already. Beyond that. I don't know. I guess so, this will be the final post on my blog. This will always be my final photoblog entry. Pending an "encore" post I expect to put up at the end of May - but it will be very unlikely. You can delete my blog link off your blogs for those of you who have so kindly and graciously linked me all this while. Even as I leave my house within the hour for my final photoshoot, I guess I can say that I'm pretty tired after typing nearly half a million words into this blog, I've said all that I've wanted to say. Written all that I've needed to write and now it's about time that I ended my story here. Thank You... God bless.
Update:
Photographs from Andrew's 21st can be found here.
Photographs from my final photoshoot with Nico can be found here, not very good. And theoretically much to be improved on. But never.
I have come to learn that Alfian - a treasured friend in the police force, a friend in police academy, a friend in acjc has passed away due to a motorbike accident. I'm very sad. This is the same person that sat next to me in my sergeant promotion course in police academy a year ago. This is the same person who enlisted into the same company as me in police academy three weeks before I passed out. This is the same person that I know in ACJC to be truly funny, truly nonsense and so full of himself in an utterly funny manner. Few can rival his sense of humour, even fewer his heck-care attitude and brashness in bringing forth topics. I remember that as we sat together in that lecture theatre in police academy just a year ago - we were flipping through a copy of Today and 8 days - so betting that Sandy Chua wouldn't win Ms Singapore-Universe. He is the one who wrote the guide to the ACJC Canteen Stalls that has never failed to bring chuckles to many. I've always known him to be an adventurous person, a person with much passion and zest for life. He has always been the one person in the dog unit that I told all my boat mates about knowing. He was the one person I knew who worked hand in hand with the coast guard by ensuring security and safety at our borders. All I can say that, in the short time that I knew him in this life. He has taught me the meaning of being funny. He has made me laugh so much at the many times I've met him. I always knew how much he loved speed. How much he enjoyed racing in his motorbike. Its very sad to read in his last blog post - just written a scant 2 days ago, ended with a note about plans of buying a new bike. It shocked me to learnt that his current one cost him his life. I'm very sad and can only begin to feel a scant amount of the pain that his loved ones and closer friends know. Such is the ironies of life. Its very sad, even painful and difficult to dull the sadness when people that I've known, who have only lived their two short decades on this planet complete their time and have to go. Alfian. Rest in Peace. You will be missed greatly by me.
The End of The Road
Ok. The previous post was directed at The Brother. Who has happily given my blog link to my mother! Argh! I think too many people read my blog. Already half the class reads my blog - more to come. And to be honest, even though I dont' really check or keep tabs - the counter down there has been jumping like crazy since december. This blog used to have a regular readership of 2 when it started out 2 years ago. Then it was 4. Then 20. I'm not really into the mass market like miss snowing. Since 90% of what I blog about is abstractions of nonsense that I can cook up randomly on the fly.
Now I get 70 hits a day! Unique hits! No! Where did the other 50 people come from? Of course, this is nothing compared to Gabriel's Balderdash or Adri's Popagandhi. But. This is ridiculous man! Especially since I've written down so much nonsense that anyone who reads this blog fully will have a laughably funny and strange idea of my quirky thoughts and ramblings in all directions. My goodness! The Horror! The Horror! When mum reads the blog! Argh! I don't know what to do! I don't think I can continue blogging anymore! I think its time for me to either practise a heavy version of self-censorship, which wouldn't be very nice. Or else I have to vacate this place and shift my blog. Which also wouldn't be very nice. Else I would have to just terminate the typing process for all that its worth.
I guess there's no harm ending my blogging "career" that has spanned nearly 2 years already. I have to defintely thank a few people out there who have sort of inspired me to log onto blogger.com two years ago and to sign up for an account. I think I've spent a great deal of time typing in nonsensically long and rambling posts in the beginning. Nowadays, what takes up most of my time to "prepare" for a post would be editing the pictures as well as conjuring up some proper thought that don't slice into Slavery else Past Memories of the those Twelve Years. I don't know. I guess some people enjoy reading all this nonsense that I put out. Whilst most others aren't interested. I've got to thank you for all your support.
Well let's see. When I add up the costs, besides the great amount of time involved as well as the additional time required on photo-shoots, photo editing and uploading and the like. I could say that photographs take up the greatest amount of time on my blog. The best thing is that I usually put all the good pictures on my posts - and hence my pbase account goes without virtually any updates. Yet I have to say that in over a year of photography, my pictures have definitely improved one way or another. Not that I've found a vision or anything. More like practise makes perfect. Usually I shoot with a few thoughts in mind whilst transposing the rest into my technical mastery of whatever level that I can reach in order to create my pictures. The rest is basically digital darkroom techniques in photoshop. Not too bad I guess. =) Time flies.
Nevertheless I admit that as I post up more pictures, I realise that the quality of the written post goes down the drain. And the only posts that seem to be extremely popular after all this time are about (1) Girls (2) University admissions (3) Life in ACJC (which is one chunk about girls too). I've been pondering a long time over the lack of creative thought in what to write. Its easy to write a journal about what I did today. Its even easier to just jot down random nonsensical thoughts. But to give one's thoughts some time for a proper think-through as well as an organisation before it is blogged out - no matter how haphazardly it might be. Its not so easy. I'll lapse into repetitively repeating the same point over and over again if I'm not careful with my typing.
The pros of blogging that it is one time killer on a boring day. The other thing is that I've learnt to type slightly faster and more accurately after these two years at practise in front of the computer doing copious amounts of tapping at the keyboard. Photoshop techniques too, are a little bit better than what they used to be. Other than that, nothing much I guess. My life isn't as exciting as I wish it would be - non-stop attendance of parties and the like. Sadly, my hobbies branch into the introverted, soloists and the unpopularly boring kinds. I notice that I like hobbies that are very individualistic - photography, cycling, swimming and computers. Even when it comes to reading - I read all sorts of abstract stuff that no one else in their right frame of mind would touch. Other than that, even my taste of music is considered to be crass by my brother. Of course, to me, his appreciation of rock rock and more rock and heavy metal is just on the side of garbage to me as well. Oh well. That's life I guess.
I've written so much nonsense and too many personal details and that is why I no longer put up a link to my archives. Of course, enterprisingly smarter people should have no problems digging out the link and the like and having a free reign to surfing the previous posts in my blog. Nevertheless, its been good. Soemtimes I really admire how people can write so little and say so much. I'm on the side that writes so much and says so little. I lack brevity in my writing - although it might just be interesting every now and then. Others like Charmaine, write so eloquently and in such wonderful prose that sometimes, I really wonder how it is possible for them to conjure up such flawless a flow of words that stimulate and create emotions in them. Nevertheless, its has been good writing so much and sharing a little bit more of myself here.
Today's the 13th of April. Initially I wanted to end my blogging on the 30th of April and to focus on the other details of my life. I realise that this is probably the worse layout of all the layouts I have ever put for this blog. Yet I acknowledge that I was never good in art - having failed it so miserably in secondary school. I don't think anyone can get lower than 5/100 for art overall in their life in one year's worth of art classes - weighing in culmulative averages. I can't draw - that's why I took up photography as well. The pencil in my hand is no more than a partner to the eraser. Sigh.
Well I don't know much about the future. There are many things that I have to contend with and I can say for sure that my life will change greatly several weeks from now. Entering into uni, doing things that I've not done in a long time, becoming a student again. And scratching upon the surface of the working world and attempting to fit into the shoes of an adult. Where people look at me for responsiblity in life as well as expect very much more. I still feel that I've grown up too fast. We've all grown up too fast indeed. And while the future might be bleak/scary/strange a prospect for some. Inevitably, its wiser to grasp hold of the few precious strands of youth we have left and preserve them for the posterity of the sanity of our older selves. I can slowly see myself becoming a grave old man very soon. One that no longer jokes and is too serious all the time. Will I be that way? I think so.
Someone once told me in the Void Deck that men are like Fine Wine. As they age they mature and increase in the vintage of their values. Yet it depends so much. I know that I have so much more things to share on this blog that I never will be able to share. The 4 Fun-O-Rama posts that I owe everyone. Like 16 of us shivering at 3a.m in Brother's room whilst they snuggle under the covers. Walking around like a yet-to-be-degaussed radar screen at 7a.m on the morning on the 2 of 2 of 2. Such I guess I will never have a fine opportunity to share with all of you here. Its good to look to past and preserve some of our happy memories. They are like the anchors to our youth in our older days. Nevertheless, I hope that someday, we can gather a large number of people from my batch in school and we can all write in stories and have a thick collection of stories published for a fundraiser or something. Once an ACSian, always an ACSian.
Yellow and Blue it is indeed. Today marks the day, that I will go for my very last photo-shoot with Nico. And after tonight, a few more presses of the shutter button in May. Add a few more days. And then I will hang up my camera and retire from photography. I've searched for a vision for one year. And it has been terribly dissapointing indeed. I don't know what to say, then again, I figure that giving up is probably the best course of action. I'm just no talented in photography. So I still don't know what my talents are. So far I know that I can't do sports, I can't study very well academically, I'm not anywhere near computers, bicycles or toastmasters. Nor am I near photography. Nico is planning to put his cameras and lenses into the dry cabinet for one last time after we finish one more roll of medium format film and 20 more exposures of 35mm film. After this, we will quit photography altogether. Enjoy the simple pleasures of cycling around Singapore at 4.30a.m in the morning and take up cooking - no matter how bad that might sound.
I guess I have to learn to fully be independent. Washing my clothes and really mastering how to iron them seamlessly. To live a life alone in independence if certain things in life do not go as planned or work out. I'm thinking very hard about some key issues in life right now, yet I can't make a decision. I know that once I branch into my university life. Then alot of things are just going to change and swamp me from all fronts. I still chose to be dedicated to God (even though I'm a pretty crappy Christian from all fronts) and to trust and rely on Him even in the darkest hours of my life in the future. Life is unfair, But God is fair. Of course, if you don't believe in God - then that's another thing lah. But I've seen enough in my short two decades on this planet to prove to me that God is really real and He has been very good to me all this while. Truly, faithful to me even when I have been unfaithful towards him.
I know many of you might be dissapointed and wonder why I'm chosing to let whatever knowledge and passion and enjoyment of photography go. Well, for starters, it is a very expensive hobby. I've done my calculations and basically, I've spent almost 70% of all the money I've earned in slavery on my hobby. I could be very well much better off with having such a good amount of cash in hand instead of equipment that loses its value very quickly on a day by day basis. The next reason is the lack of support in Singapore. I find that Singapore is a terribly unfriendly place for most hobbies. Like we are such a work-driven society that hobbies just have to take a back seat in all fronts. Most of the Ah Peks I have met only laugh at me and Nico because we are "too young" for it. Being laughed at in a camera shop when we ask for medium format film for the first time doesn't really build up one's self esteem very much either. The next reason would be the lack of support from people around me. Sad to say, my mum thinks that none of the pictures I've taken are of any good. So I usually don't bother to show them to her anymore. Besides, there is only so much rejection one can take when people keep refusing to pose for shots... or even their own portrait shots. Singaporeans are just too self-conscious when it comes to their looks. Not every photographer out there is out to take pictures of them and post it on all those unwholesome girl-gawking websites for the world to see. Thus far, I guess even my class didn't appreciate my hobby for at least the last one year. So - that was pretty discouraging too. The last reason is that I don't want photography to take my time away from God. You know - an idol? Yeah. I don't think I need to elaborate on this any further.
I've stopped taking pictures for quite some time already. Especially after the ACS Founder's Day Celebration at the indoor stadium this year. Its been discouraging generally. And maybe I give up just too easily. Most of the pictures you see on my blog, if you save them into your computers and view the "date modified" or read off the EXIF data on the pictures - were mostly taken 2 or 3 months ago. That was a time when I had a great deal of inspiration and strong passion for my craft. Now it is all but gone and has all but degenerated into nothing. I'm sad. But what else can I do? Nothing. So I guess I'll have to give up this hobby once and for all. I'll sell off all my equipment shortly after May to get back some money. Probably put this money back into my savings. Sigh. I guess I also owe a personal explaination to some of you who read my blog and have supported me all this while. Thank you so much for your support. Nevertheless, all good things must come to an end.
Photography by Stephanie Lee
I care deeply for many people and many things. Unfortunately, it is not in my introverted nature to express it out loud well in a clear and coherent manner. While I might speak well and talk loud - for those who know me in real life. These are just things that I feel passionate about. Other than that, I wouldn't even bother. And usually, I usually talk about "things" and "events". But very seldom about "feelings". Its one of the areas of myself that I certainly don't express myself well. And I guess its not very good. So I'll see what I can do about it. Other than this and that I guess I'll have to go through and do some things that I've put off for a very very long period of time in my life after the closure of this part of the chapter of my life. Life is as such. When one door closes, another door opens. And I'll just let it be. Change, is the only constant.
I'm not really sure what else to say here. Maybe one of them would be that, while I know the regulars who read my blog and leave their comments all the time. For those of you who lurk and never leave comments. Kindly leave one at the end of this post. So that at least I might know who you are. Perhaps a blog link or an email address would be very nice too. Other than that. I can be contacted by email at 24carriers [at] usa [dot] net. My MSN email address will be alwynloh [at] hotmail [dot] com. For those of you who use icq, which I prefer. My UIN is 131-160. Other than that, I'll leave my friendster link here and will be contactable at least through the friendster messenging system. If you don't wish to leave a blog comment here - kindly send me a message through friendster.
Well, I guess I'll do one final update of my pbase account in May, after I have sold off all my equipment. Beyond that, that will be about it, unless by some miracle or provision of God - certain things go my way and I'm blessed with much to jump start my interest and hobby again. The Bible says that "hope deferred makes the heart sick". Its been deferred for far too long already and I'm jus terribly worn down, tired and sick of it. I've lost my love and pleasure in taking pictures. Well, I guess in a few hours time when I finally fold up and keep my tripod for the very last time. They might be the best pictures I've ever taken, but that will be unlikely. Nico will handle my camera 80% of the time as I've told him to do so already. Beyond that. I don't know. I guess so, this will be the final post on my blog. This will always be my final photoblog entry. Pending an "encore" post I expect to put up at the end of May - but it will be very unlikely. You can delete my blog link off your blogs for those of you who have so kindly and graciously linked me all this while. Even as I leave my house within the hour for my final photoshoot, I guess I can say that I'm pretty tired after typing nearly half a million words into this blog, I've said all that I've wanted to say. Written all that I've needed to write and now it's about time that I ended my story here. Thank You... God bless.
Update:
Photographs from Andrew's 21st can be found here.
Photographs from my final photoshoot with Nico can be found here, not very good. And theoretically much to be improved on. But never.
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