Foreclosure and Assortments
Its been a rather depressing week on my part. Noticeably, a good number of friends and people I know are seemingly feeling down and out. Some due to exams, others due to stress and circumstances of life, another are the "oh-so-poor-thing" NSmen who are rotting on the Island of Doom doing mindless activities that permeate the "muscle-pain-no-brain business". Yet a select few are suffering from depression for some unknown reasons and lastly, I've had a pretty much rotten week at the base and expect it to go on for another two weeks or so.
In the meantime, I'd like everyone to know that tripods are incredibly expensive pieces of metal tubes and clamps. A good tripod that is, not those cheap and free ones that sellers bundle when you buy a point and shoot digital camera. A bulk of my peanuts pay every month goes to photographic interests. Sigh. Technically, i get more pay than most of the other NSmen in the base, partly due to my qualifications as well as the line of work which I deal in (technically, its more dangerous). Other than that, I guess I'm going to ramble for a few other things first, before I blog down a few other thoughts and then I'll close this entry. Its been getting particularly more difficult to blog lately, for some unknown reasons. Things aren't coming out as naturally as before so I guess updates will be more infrequent than ever. Thanks to those who actually bother to read. The ten or so of you. Nowadays I tend to subscribe to the mentality that "lousy blogs talk about self. mediocre ones talk about activities and good ones talk about concepts and ideas".
So, as a general update to my life. I have about 4 months and 29 days left to ORD and slightly more than 5 months before I hit the so-called age of adulthood - that is 21. Time has passed me by so quickly, I often do not know where it hath gone unto. Yet for a strange reason, time passes by extremely-slowly whenever I'm on duty on the boat. Besides patrol duties and all, I find that shooting with a prime lens on my camera has made it just that little bit more challenging than normal. Since I can't zoom, I can't get too oft with the "choices" offered through the viewfinder of a lens. All the pictures I'm putting up this time round are shot with a standard 50mm prime lens. Oh yes, as much as I do not like and support boybands. I find that Westlife's latest CD - a Jazzy Jazz themed one which is a remake of a great number of classics like Mack the Knife and Ain't that a Kick in the Head is something worth listening too. Its a pity that not many modern day artistes remake or can even pitch their voice to sing all the old classic jazz tunes of yesteryear. So so much mmore nicer than a nonsensical pop and rhythm and blues on the english radio stations nowadays.
Other than that, I'd like to thank God once again for taking care of my safety. As I've often mentioned that the base is stocked full of an extremely lousy and incompetent management. As well as the most useless technical workshop in the galaxy. Sad to say that yesterday on my way back to base after duty. My boat actually caught fire. Obviously either the management or the workshop hasn't exactly been doing a proper job in taking care of the patrol craft else supervising the various men. This is nonsense man, and I'm really unhappy about it. Even tanks in the SAF don't just catch fire by themselves. I guess that's another feather in the cap of the most useless management in the whole police force (its been ranked officially by the headquarters too!). Its a stupid base and one more reason that compells and drives me to look forward to my ORD date.
I still can't find any vision, any creativity when I look through the lens. Most of my pictures, my "best" pictures are quite lousy in reality when being vetted by other people in visual communications. Quite sad to say. Having the best camera in my hands and yet not having a vision of creativity is akin to having a Ferarri in the driveway and yet never being able to start up the car. Its like having the best training facilities in the world and yet no passion for success when it comes to sports. Its really almost like trying to pilot the most immense ships in the world only they are grounded on land. Sigh. Its easy to take cheap and simple pictures. Its easy to take postcard standard pictures. Yet, it is not easy to create, to visually imprint emotions into a picture and to express a story through a single snapshot. Very difficult indeed. How does one convey the sense of awe and wonder in the picture of a sunrise? or Sunset for that matter? I don't know.
Oh yes. I was quite unhappy and bitter with God for a while last week. While I had to work at the base on Sunday and that was no problem. There was a huge church-wide service event that was held at the Indoor Stadium. So naturally, being a helper in ministry. I had to assist in whatever works need to be done. Unfortunately, or whatever it was, what happened was that there was a big oversight in the planning and everything and it resulted in me doing duty outside for the entire duration of the event where we had an overseas speaker and all. I was really unhappy. Because party I came so early that I can see the indoor stadium empty. And I left when the indoor stadium was almost empty and yet did not manage to even get a hold of the blessing of the message and the Word. I told God that "there are ten-thousand people inside there. How come I am the one that's left outside?!" It really sucks. Well, almost wanted to totally just trash of ministry work once and for all. Sometimes, it really doesn't feel worth it when things end up like this. Sacrifice to the end that I get nothing or even at least what I came to help for.
Its really discouraging that such a thing happens. While I'm not the person to blame others (unlike the past) or hold grudges agains others. I guess that sometimes, being too nice in life just gets you nowhere. Its a shitty rat-race we have in this country where you either trample on others, or be trampled upon yourself. I've been stepped on a little bit too much already. Right now, maybe, I'm seriously considering quitting ministry before the month is out. I'm very tired. Tired not because of all the physical work, I'm just tired at being at the losing end far too many times. While I'm no longer angry/upset/bitter towards God about such things. Because, well, for one, He did show me another part of my character which to work upon - patience and longsuffering. I don't really know how long I can allow things to be like this.
For me, being brutally honest in life is not difficult. I find it hard to lie to others. As in, outright lie; even if its part of a joke or something. Sometimes, I find it difficult to tone down my choice of words with the understading of the word "tact". Almost feels like I'm artificially sugar coating my words at times. Yes, I do admit to distorting, generalising and deleting things in matters that I speak of at times. Yet, who doesn't? Indeed, "saying what you mean and meaning what you say" is another virtue that I have a long way to work upon before I can actually reach there. I hope that others don't hold it against me for all the past times of my distorted nonsense that I've spouted without much care of thought. Definitely chose to take all the criticism in my stride. Since what that doesn't break me will only make me stronger.
While I was locked out of the Indoor Stadium last week. Rather grudgingly "serving" God in ministry. I bumped into a very good pair of friends. An ACJC couple. One of the four that I know whom are working towards a seriously-committed relationship. When I look at the love the two of them have for each other. I can almost feel the difference that it compares to the rest of the other "couples" that I know of. Its like. It comes to a point that one party doesn't need to stimulate the other in terms of sight and the other party has no necessity to reciprocate by means of touch. It almost becomes a joyful acceptance of each other's quirks and oddities. Perhaps idiosyncracies and other. Wow. And upon seeing the two of them, it really brought a fresh life to my heart and cheered me up a little. So, I wasn't the only one who was locked out of the Indoor Stadium. Even people of good character did lose out a little bit to the overwhelming crowd. I can't help but feel happy and glad for the two of them, both of them really wonderful friends of mine, and yet, a certain benchmark of an iron standard to the other "couples" that I know of.
They say that in life, only one out of 20 persons will ever meet the one person whom they'll truly love and that person will truly love them back. Sounds rather true. Let's assume twenty marriages and by virtue of mathematical models as well as statistics, we assume the divorce rate to be 1/3 (working for our generation, not the one preceding ours). So that's 6 down. 14 couples out of 20. 1/2 of couples at the age of 40 aren't happy at all. Go figure: Look at your own household. If its not divorced its probably going to be an unhappy union where money can only moderate, not save - maybe even split. So that's 10 couples out the window. And left 3 out of a possible twenty. Then we assume 10% level of significance. While I'm rather arbitrary with the figures I'm using. I guess whoever reads this will get a good idea that 1 out of 20 is really not a difficult figure to arrive at. All my life in ACS. I've only known so many people, whose parents were either:
1)Divorced
2)Separated
3)Living Apart
4)Unhappy
5)Very Unhappy
6)Loving
I know of friends who wouldnt' go home after school until 11, or maybe even later. Just because they wanted to escape the war that was at home. I've known of people that most intellectual snobs would look down upon who have cried in the chapel of a church, after everyone has left and pleaded to God to "save their family". Its quite a touching sight. Even for an emotionally-challenged and unmoved person like me. Jack found his Rose on a big sinking ship. Peter Parker found his Mary Jane next door. Aragon found his Arwen at Minas Tirith and that very old senior citizen couple that you find at the hawker center on a weekday evening. Whom one party still bothers to use the chopsticks to put whatever food into the bowl of the other. Its touching. Old people who hold hands have much more meaning than young kids that hug each other. I figured that if I ever extend into wedding photography. That would mean like, for every 4 weddings I take pictures of. I could delete the pictures to one couple's union about maybe 730 days later? Sigh....
Well, still with regards to this particular couple. Once, they shared their whole entire love story to me and Rev. Charles (that's why Rev. Charles thereafter asked me to share "mine" for which I didn't have any to share!). It was amazing. To see how God works to bring people together. So touching. Better than all the nonsensical megaphone-diplomacy of getting attached and separated at ACJC. Ok I've been too serious. So I'm going to tell a lighter story. Anyone who reads slightly deeper should be able to identitify all the persons in the story:
Well, it was back at JC1. At this point of time, ACJC was still undergoing heavy construction and therefore, the whole school would assemble on the track for morning assembly (does singing of the national anthem on a daily basis equate to nationalism or else is it a subtle way of propaganda brainwashing? I don't even believe in our pledge for some parts!). Naturally, since I had qutie a weirdo of a form teacher at that time who in a sense, was more guarded when it came to "the Class Girls". He insisted that all the girls should stand in front and all the guys should line up behind accordingly. No problem. However for the class next to mine, it was the other way around. For them, it was "boys in front!" and all the girls would be behind. Quite interesting actually the morning conversations before school started. Nevertheless. One fine day. i think this was about 2 weeks into the 2nd Intake, so that would be around the region of um 9th or 14th of April 2002.
I was gawking, or rather, subtling staring at this really pretty girl. Her codename was "Poster Girl 1". (Of course, the BROTHERHOOD would know who it was lah!). Very pretty girl! Wow! More outstanding than her boyfriend at that time, whom some people dismissed as "a rugby guy who can't play rugby...". Nevertheless, while I try to make it as unobvious as possible. There is only one person in class with super-sharp eyes. And when I mean sharp. I mean really-sharp. He was no other, than the legendary "Parappa_Boy". He was came up to me and from a distance:
[Parappa_Boy] Woei! Why you staring at that girl over there...
[Me] No I'm not!
[Parappa_Boy] Don't bluff lah! You're lousy at lying!
[Me] Ok! Ok! She's quite pretty what!
[Parappa_Boy] Ya, well, let's stand around there and then we can look at her together ok!
[Me]Huh?!
My goodness! By the way. Parappa_Boy is a very very very very very funny person in real life. He's so funny that his presence can make a lot of people just burst out in laughter for no reason. Just having him around alone can make me laugh so much that my stomach hurts! And really, no one else dares to throw a paper plane during physics lecture except the legendary Parappa_Boy. No one else leave 750 grams of weight hanging on a spring for a physic practical (on elasticity) and then walks to the canteen to have recess 25minutes early. No one can do an experiment on oscillations of a ruler and have two retort stands fall down on the floor at the same time. And no one else can rival him in getting 1/30 for economics essay. I'm so bad and I can still get 2/30. (I'm laughing really hard as I type this! HAHAHAHA!!!!)
Then there was the most "illustrious experiment" that proved to me once and for all that the subjective theorem known as "taste existed". I've typed this in my blog about 320 posts back I think, but I think its good to have a recap too, because its so funny!
We were all seated at this table in the legendary Void Deck of the Anglo-Chinese Junior College (nonsense school!) and it was recess during the 1st three months of our JC2 life. It was a wednesday, and so, recess would more or less be together for all the J1s. Nicely, I had already "block-booked" one of the more important tables in the Void Deck that day for our "discussions". At that time, there was still stome construction debris alongside the Void Deck, so it really matttered which table you sat at, unless you didn't mind cement dust falling into Dr. Yong Tau Foo's food.
So we sat there, visually looking out for "Pantene Pro-V". This girl who was in the JC1 batch and had really long and smooth hair. Later we found that "Pantene Pro-V" was too long a codename and then shortened it to "Organics" instead. So on this particular day, which I remember was raining and there was a huge human crush at the Void Deck and it was very hard to move around. The table was filled with the BrotherHood of ACS boys who had nothing better to do, than to look out for girls. And then we saw her:
[Specky] Wah Lau! She's damn pretty man!
[Nerd 1] Ya... chio bu!
[Genius 1] Yucks! All of you here have bad taste!
[Brother 1] I think she's pretty
[Specky] Eh! What you think about her
[Me] Huh? Ah, anything lah, I also don't care one lah...
[Genius 1] Sure Anot!
Of course, no one knew that this time, my eyes had been set on only one girl in ACJC and that was her. So, it was not too bad I guess, the conversation eventually ended that day that "taste is subjective" and to put it succintly, "one man's meat, is another man's poison". To much laughter thereafter. One thing I neglected to mention that in my tiredness of my previous blog post was that on Wednesdays, when I had 3 free periods (plus it was a short day that ended at 12.55 for me). Me and Ishvinder (The Great Indian Mathematician) would just sit and laze together at the Void Deck and "do our work" (yeah right! More like checking out someone from 2SG combination!) We would start out maybe with an assignment of 5 questions, but by the end of 3 free period. More or less we would have only done maybe part a of question 1. But would have had a tremendous amount of laughter after that. (the mood was often killed by the shitty physics lecture after recess). That's why I can "block book" the table for my usual friends to have our discussions with.
At this point of time, she had already dropped her chinese language classes (having achieved an A1 for Higher Chinese at O-Level - smart right? And I can't even pass Chinese to save my life!). And her boyfriend too would accompany her along with the rest of her class to sit in the Void Deck at their "class table" to do work and stuff. And they were really studying, while Ish (The Great Indian Mathematician) and I would be laughing like crazy at our side of the Void Deck. So that's one reason why I actually bother to carry my "ice lemon tea" from one end of the New Canteen, all the way to my table at the Void Deck. So I that can see her! Of course, I don't think Ish suspected it at all since more or less we were talking about everything under the sky from comparative religion all the way to what time we are going to skip school later. Once I asked TGIM:
[Me]Eh! I ask you ah, as an Indian, and since there aren't so many Indian girls in Singapore, do you take a double-take whenever you pass by an Indian girl?
While I won't reveal my friend's answer. Its quite interesting to see things from different vantage points. And it was really funny! Ishvinder (The Great Indian Mathematician) is another True-Blue ACSian. I knew him back in ACPS, Barker and ACJ. Such a wonderful friend that I can connect with on almost our whole schooling experience. We'll laugh and laugh over the silly things we did in primary school and make fun of all our pass experiences in Barker. And its just wonderful. I guess its very difficult to understand what the "AC Spirit" is. And I know for sure that not many people have this "binding energy of an identity" since now most Independent people chose to flock to the school on the wrong side of the canal for the sake of academics and never really realise the value of their ACS Identity.
What I neglected too, to mention about the Void Deck is that, sometimes after school After that silly "compulsory self study" program was done with at the Mezza9 floor of the nonsense college of singapore was that I'd sms her best friend to "come study at the void deck now!". And her best friend, knowing, how sad and pathetic I am when it comes to girls, most often steered Her to study in the Void Deck too. Often a table opposite mine. She's like this uber-cool girl in my eyes. Once on a wednesday too, after me and the Great Indian Mathematician had our daily dosage of a two way talk in the Void Deck, we'd head up the ceremonial stairs to LT2 for that rotten Physics Lecture. Once, both of us lost track of time and we were REALLY late and so decided to skip the lectuer together.
I was hanging around the area below the ceremonial staircase with Ish in tow after buying drinks when I saw her best friend just pop out behind me and say, "hey, she's coming really late to school today, cause her driver's sick and she didn't want to take bus to school; so she's taking a taxi". Before I knew it, a taxi drove down the rear-driveway of the school and she stepped out, joined her best friend and they literally ran together to catch their lecture. After this, Ishvinder just nicely emerged from the New Canteen and thanked me for waiting for him. Amazing. Or should I say, NONSENSE. Argh, I should have gone and crashed bio lecture that day. But I'm such a silly fool, to be "content with just the viewing of the subject".
I guess I'll more or less soon stop here, as this will be the foreclosure to the topic of girls that I'll blog/write about and then no more. I like Wo De Ai by Sun Yan Zi (Stefanie Sun!) and find it a hauntingly beautiful tune to listen to. Then again, there are a few tunes I'll share with whoever reads this before I come to a close for this post.
Normally, I'm not a purveyor to fine classical music, or even jazz for that matter. I only started to listen to the piano after hearing her play it for the first time. Of course I remember the place: Covenant Community Methodist Church (if this rings a bell, its 'the church that's inside MGS'). And when depression grips and when things do not go as expected, somehow or other, I realise the greatest solace of music that I found was in Final Fantasy Solo Piano Classical songs. Immensely sad songs with so much emotion mirred in them. "To Zanarkand" has to be one of the saddest and the Piano Solo for "Eyes on me" is just hauntingly beautiful. It is only rivaled by the Solo Piano of "Rose's Them" from The Titanic Movie Soundtrack. Its not good to listen to too much of such music, lest it causes a more severe form of depression internally...
The most meaningful songs that I've listened to, by virtue of lyrics are Luther Vandross and by Joshua Kadison. Both I guess are pretty much unknown singers in Singapore. Yet, their music just inspires. While I know most people do not bother to read song lyrics on blogs. I've just extracted the parts of the lyrics that can stand as poetry on its own:
"I'd rather have bad times with you
Than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm
Than safe and warm on myself
I'd rather have hard times together
Than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart"
- Luther Vandross - I'd Rather.
"Your my peace of mind
In this crazy world
Your everything I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You're my Mona Lisa
You're my Rainbow Skies
And my only prayer
Is that you'll realise
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes"
- Joshua Kadison - Beautiful in my Eyes.
Sometimes I feel that when you leave someone that you know that you know will be the right one for you behind for someone else to take up and to be happy and to cherish and love. And you remain "friends". Isn't it just such a token penny compared to what could have become? What difference is there if a couple breaks up and remains "friends" or things that do not work out and only allow hopefuls to be "friends". "Friends" can be that tv show, it can also be someone I've not seen for 10 years. Or someone who've I've just had a conversation with this morning. Sometimes, friends is just not enough. Its just like taking a a penny when one is offered that block of gold. Though a lifetime may not be too long to live as friends. This being it, I will write one more post about something along the lines of my two previous posts. And then, like the fading rays of the setting sun, I will close this in ite entirety. Someday we'll know. Someday. We'll know...
Its been a rather depressing week on my part. Noticeably, a good number of friends and people I know are seemingly feeling down and out. Some due to exams, others due to stress and circumstances of life, another are the "oh-so-poor-thing" NSmen who are rotting on the Island of Doom doing mindless activities that permeate the "muscle-pain-no-brain business". Yet a select few are suffering from depression for some unknown reasons and lastly, I've had a pretty much rotten week at the base and expect it to go on for another two weeks or so.
In the meantime, I'd like everyone to know that tripods are incredibly expensive pieces of metal tubes and clamps. A good tripod that is, not those cheap and free ones that sellers bundle when you buy a point and shoot digital camera. A bulk of my peanuts pay every month goes to photographic interests. Sigh. Technically, i get more pay than most of the other NSmen in the base, partly due to my qualifications as well as the line of work which I deal in (technically, its more dangerous). Other than that, I guess I'm going to ramble for a few other things first, before I blog down a few other thoughts and then I'll close this entry. Its been getting particularly more difficult to blog lately, for some unknown reasons. Things aren't coming out as naturally as before so I guess updates will be more infrequent than ever. Thanks to those who actually bother to read. The ten or so of you. Nowadays I tend to subscribe to the mentality that "lousy blogs talk about self. mediocre ones talk about activities and good ones talk about concepts and ideas".
So, as a general update to my life. I have about 4 months and 29 days left to ORD and slightly more than 5 months before I hit the so-called age of adulthood - that is 21. Time has passed me by so quickly, I often do not know where it hath gone unto. Yet for a strange reason, time passes by extremely-slowly whenever I'm on duty on the boat. Besides patrol duties and all, I find that shooting with a prime lens on my camera has made it just that little bit more challenging than normal. Since I can't zoom, I can't get too oft with the "choices" offered through the viewfinder of a lens. All the pictures I'm putting up this time round are shot with a standard 50mm prime lens. Oh yes, as much as I do not like and support boybands. I find that Westlife's latest CD - a Jazzy Jazz themed one which is a remake of a great number of classics like Mack the Knife and Ain't that a Kick in the Head is something worth listening too. Its a pity that not many modern day artistes remake or can even pitch their voice to sing all the old classic jazz tunes of yesteryear. So so much mmore nicer than a nonsensical pop and rhythm and blues on the english radio stations nowadays.
Other than that, I'd like to thank God once again for taking care of my safety. As I've often mentioned that the base is stocked full of an extremely lousy and incompetent management. As well as the most useless technical workshop in the galaxy. Sad to say that yesterday on my way back to base after duty. My boat actually caught fire. Obviously either the management or the workshop hasn't exactly been doing a proper job in taking care of the patrol craft else supervising the various men. This is nonsense man, and I'm really unhappy about it. Even tanks in the SAF don't just catch fire by themselves. I guess that's another feather in the cap of the most useless management in the whole police force (its been ranked officially by the headquarters too!). Its a stupid base and one more reason that compells and drives me to look forward to my ORD date.
I still can't find any vision, any creativity when I look through the lens. Most of my pictures, my "best" pictures are quite lousy in reality when being vetted by other people in visual communications. Quite sad to say. Having the best camera in my hands and yet not having a vision of creativity is akin to having a Ferarri in the driveway and yet never being able to start up the car. Its like having the best training facilities in the world and yet no passion for success when it comes to sports. Its really almost like trying to pilot the most immense ships in the world only they are grounded on land. Sigh. Its easy to take cheap and simple pictures. Its easy to take postcard standard pictures. Yet, it is not easy to create, to visually imprint emotions into a picture and to express a story through a single snapshot. Very difficult indeed. How does one convey the sense of awe and wonder in the picture of a sunrise? or Sunset for that matter? I don't know.
Oh yes. I was quite unhappy and bitter with God for a while last week. While I had to work at the base on Sunday and that was no problem. There was a huge church-wide service event that was held at the Indoor Stadium. So naturally, being a helper in ministry. I had to assist in whatever works need to be done. Unfortunately, or whatever it was, what happened was that there was a big oversight in the planning and everything and it resulted in me doing duty outside for the entire duration of the event where we had an overseas speaker and all. I was really unhappy. Because party I came so early that I can see the indoor stadium empty. And I left when the indoor stadium was almost empty and yet did not manage to even get a hold of the blessing of the message and the Word. I told God that "there are ten-thousand people inside there. How come I am the one that's left outside?!" It really sucks. Well, almost wanted to totally just trash of ministry work once and for all. Sometimes, it really doesn't feel worth it when things end up like this. Sacrifice to the end that I get nothing or even at least what I came to help for.
Its really discouraging that such a thing happens. While I'm not the person to blame others (unlike the past) or hold grudges agains others. I guess that sometimes, being too nice in life just gets you nowhere. Its a shitty rat-race we have in this country where you either trample on others, or be trampled upon yourself. I've been stepped on a little bit too much already. Right now, maybe, I'm seriously considering quitting ministry before the month is out. I'm very tired. Tired not because of all the physical work, I'm just tired at being at the losing end far too many times. While I'm no longer angry/upset/bitter towards God about such things. Because, well, for one, He did show me another part of my character which to work upon - patience and longsuffering. I don't really know how long I can allow things to be like this.
For me, being brutally honest in life is not difficult. I find it hard to lie to others. As in, outright lie; even if its part of a joke or something. Sometimes, I find it difficult to tone down my choice of words with the understading of the word "tact". Almost feels like I'm artificially sugar coating my words at times. Yes, I do admit to distorting, generalising and deleting things in matters that I speak of at times. Yet, who doesn't? Indeed, "saying what you mean and meaning what you say" is another virtue that I have a long way to work upon before I can actually reach there. I hope that others don't hold it against me for all the past times of my distorted nonsense that I've spouted without much care of thought. Definitely chose to take all the criticism in my stride. Since what that doesn't break me will only make me stronger.
While I was locked out of the Indoor Stadium last week. Rather grudgingly "serving" God in ministry. I bumped into a very good pair of friends. An ACJC couple. One of the four that I know whom are working towards a seriously-committed relationship. When I look at the love the two of them have for each other. I can almost feel the difference that it compares to the rest of the other "couples" that I know of. Its like. It comes to a point that one party doesn't need to stimulate the other in terms of sight and the other party has no necessity to reciprocate by means of touch. It almost becomes a joyful acceptance of each other's quirks and oddities. Perhaps idiosyncracies and other. Wow. And upon seeing the two of them, it really brought a fresh life to my heart and cheered me up a little. So, I wasn't the only one who was locked out of the Indoor Stadium. Even people of good character did lose out a little bit to the overwhelming crowd. I can't help but feel happy and glad for the two of them, both of them really wonderful friends of mine, and yet, a certain benchmark of an iron standard to the other "couples" that I know of.
They say that in life, only one out of 20 persons will ever meet the one person whom they'll truly love and that person will truly love them back. Sounds rather true. Let's assume twenty marriages and by virtue of mathematical models as well as statistics, we assume the divorce rate to be 1/3 (working for our generation, not the one preceding ours). So that's 6 down. 14 couples out of 20. 1/2 of couples at the age of 40 aren't happy at all. Go figure: Look at your own household. If its not divorced its probably going to be an unhappy union where money can only moderate, not save - maybe even split. So that's 10 couples out the window. And left 3 out of a possible twenty. Then we assume 10% level of significance. While I'm rather arbitrary with the figures I'm using. I guess whoever reads this will get a good idea that 1 out of 20 is really not a difficult figure to arrive at. All my life in ACS. I've only known so many people, whose parents were either:
1)Divorced
2)Separated
3)Living Apart
4)Unhappy
5)Very Unhappy
6)Loving
I know of friends who wouldnt' go home after school until 11, or maybe even later. Just because they wanted to escape the war that was at home. I've known of people that most intellectual snobs would look down upon who have cried in the chapel of a church, after everyone has left and pleaded to God to "save their family". Its quite a touching sight. Even for an emotionally-challenged and unmoved person like me. Jack found his Rose on a big sinking ship. Peter Parker found his Mary Jane next door. Aragon found his Arwen at Minas Tirith and that very old senior citizen couple that you find at the hawker center on a weekday evening. Whom one party still bothers to use the chopsticks to put whatever food into the bowl of the other. Its touching. Old people who hold hands have much more meaning than young kids that hug each other. I figured that if I ever extend into wedding photography. That would mean like, for every 4 weddings I take pictures of. I could delete the pictures to one couple's union about maybe 730 days later? Sigh....
Well, still with regards to this particular couple. Once, they shared their whole entire love story to me and Rev. Charles (that's why Rev. Charles thereafter asked me to share "mine" for which I didn't have any to share!). It was amazing. To see how God works to bring people together. So touching. Better than all the nonsensical megaphone-diplomacy of getting attached and separated at ACJC. Ok I've been too serious. So I'm going to tell a lighter story. Anyone who reads slightly deeper should be able to identitify all the persons in the story:
Well, it was back at JC1. At this point of time, ACJC was still undergoing heavy construction and therefore, the whole school would assemble on the track for morning assembly (does singing of the national anthem on a daily basis equate to nationalism or else is it a subtle way of propaganda brainwashing? I don't even believe in our pledge for some parts!). Naturally, since I had qutie a weirdo of a form teacher at that time who in a sense, was more guarded when it came to "the Class Girls". He insisted that all the girls should stand in front and all the guys should line up behind accordingly. No problem. However for the class next to mine, it was the other way around. For them, it was "boys in front!" and all the girls would be behind. Quite interesting actually the morning conversations before school started. Nevertheless. One fine day. i think this was about 2 weeks into the 2nd Intake, so that would be around the region of um 9th or 14th of April 2002.
I was gawking, or rather, subtling staring at this really pretty girl. Her codename was "Poster Girl 1". (Of course, the BROTHERHOOD would know who it was lah!). Very pretty girl! Wow! More outstanding than her boyfriend at that time, whom some people dismissed as "a rugby guy who can't play rugby...". Nevertheless, while I try to make it as unobvious as possible. There is only one person in class with super-sharp eyes. And when I mean sharp. I mean really-sharp. He was no other, than the legendary "Parappa_Boy". He was came up to me and from a distance:
[Parappa_Boy] Woei! Why you staring at that girl over there...
[Me] No I'm not!
[Parappa_Boy] Don't bluff lah! You're lousy at lying!
[Me] Ok! Ok! She's quite pretty what!
[Parappa_Boy] Ya, well, let's stand around there and then we can look at her together ok!
[Me]Huh?!
My goodness! By the way. Parappa_Boy is a very very very very very funny person in real life. He's so funny that his presence can make a lot of people just burst out in laughter for no reason. Just having him around alone can make me laugh so much that my stomach hurts! And really, no one else dares to throw a paper plane during physics lecture except the legendary Parappa_Boy. No one else leave 750 grams of weight hanging on a spring for a physic practical (on elasticity) and then walks to the canteen to have recess 25minutes early. No one can do an experiment on oscillations of a ruler and have two retort stands fall down on the floor at the same time. And no one else can rival him in getting 1/30 for economics essay. I'm so bad and I can still get 2/30. (I'm laughing really hard as I type this! HAHAHAHA!!!!)
Then there was the most "illustrious experiment" that proved to me once and for all that the subjective theorem known as "taste existed". I've typed this in my blog about 320 posts back I think, but I think its good to have a recap too, because its so funny!
We were all seated at this table in the legendary Void Deck of the Anglo-Chinese Junior College (nonsense school!) and it was recess during the 1st three months of our JC2 life. It was a wednesday, and so, recess would more or less be together for all the J1s. Nicely, I had already "block-booked" one of the more important tables in the Void Deck that day for our "discussions". At that time, there was still stome construction debris alongside the Void Deck, so it really matttered which table you sat at, unless you didn't mind cement dust falling into Dr. Yong Tau Foo's food.
So we sat there, visually looking out for "Pantene Pro-V". This girl who was in the JC1 batch and had really long and smooth hair. Later we found that "Pantene Pro-V" was too long a codename and then shortened it to "Organics" instead. So on this particular day, which I remember was raining and there was a huge human crush at the Void Deck and it was very hard to move around. The table was filled with the BrotherHood of ACS boys who had nothing better to do, than to look out for girls. And then we saw her:
[Specky] Wah Lau! She's damn pretty man!
[Nerd 1] Ya... chio bu!
[Genius 1] Yucks! All of you here have bad taste!
[Brother 1] I think she's pretty
[Specky] Eh! What you think about her
[Me] Huh? Ah, anything lah, I also don't care one lah...
[Genius 1] Sure Anot!
Of course, no one knew that this time, my eyes had been set on only one girl in ACJC and that was her. So, it was not too bad I guess, the conversation eventually ended that day that "taste is subjective" and to put it succintly, "one man's meat, is another man's poison". To much laughter thereafter. One thing I neglected to mention that in my tiredness of my previous blog post was that on Wednesdays, when I had 3 free periods (plus it was a short day that ended at 12.55 for me). Me and Ishvinder (The Great Indian Mathematician) would just sit and laze together at the Void Deck and "do our work" (yeah right! More like checking out someone from 2SG combination!) We would start out maybe with an assignment of 5 questions, but by the end of 3 free period. More or less we would have only done maybe part a of question 1. But would have had a tremendous amount of laughter after that. (the mood was often killed by the shitty physics lecture after recess). That's why I can "block book" the table for my usual friends to have our discussions with.
At this point of time, she had already dropped her chinese language classes (having achieved an A1 for Higher Chinese at O-Level - smart right? And I can't even pass Chinese to save my life!). And her boyfriend too would accompany her along with the rest of her class to sit in the Void Deck at their "class table" to do work and stuff. And they were really studying, while Ish (The Great Indian Mathematician) and I would be laughing like crazy at our side of the Void Deck. So that's one reason why I actually bother to carry my "ice lemon tea" from one end of the New Canteen, all the way to my table at the Void Deck. So I that can see her! Of course, I don't think Ish suspected it at all since more or less we were talking about everything under the sky from comparative religion all the way to what time we are going to skip school later. Once I asked TGIM:
[Me]Eh! I ask you ah, as an Indian, and since there aren't so many Indian girls in Singapore, do you take a double-take whenever you pass by an Indian girl?
While I won't reveal my friend's answer. Its quite interesting to see things from different vantage points. And it was really funny! Ishvinder (The Great Indian Mathematician) is another True-Blue ACSian. I knew him back in ACPS, Barker and ACJ. Such a wonderful friend that I can connect with on almost our whole schooling experience. We'll laugh and laugh over the silly things we did in primary school and make fun of all our pass experiences in Barker. And its just wonderful. I guess its very difficult to understand what the "AC Spirit" is. And I know for sure that not many people have this "binding energy of an identity" since now most Independent people chose to flock to the school on the wrong side of the canal for the sake of academics and never really realise the value of their ACS Identity.
What I neglected too, to mention about the Void Deck is that, sometimes after school After that silly "compulsory self study" program was done with at the Mezza9 floor of the nonsense college of singapore was that I'd sms her best friend to "come study at the void deck now!". And her best friend, knowing, how sad and pathetic I am when it comes to girls, most often steered Her to study in the Void Deck too. Often a table opposite mine. She's like this uber-cool girl in my eyes. Once on a wednesday too, after me and the Great Indian Mathematician had our daily dosage of a two way talk in the Void Deck, we'd head up the ceremonial stairs to LT2 for that rotten Physics Lecture. Once, both of us lost track of time and we were REALLY late and so decided to skip the lectuer together.
I was hanging around the area below the ceremonial staircase with Ish in tow after buying drinks when I saw her best friend just pop out behind me and say, "hey, she's coming really late to school today, cause her driver's sick and she didn't want to take bus to school; so she's taking a taxi". Before I knew it, a taxi drove down the rear-driveway of the school and she stepped out, joined her best friend and they literally ran together to catch their lecture. After this, Ishvinder just nicely emerged from the New Canteen and thanked me for waiting for him. Amazing. Or should I say, NONSENSE. Argh, I should have gone and crashed bio lecture that day. But I'm such a silly fool, to be "content with just the viewing of the subject".
I guess I'll more or less soon stop here, as this will be the foreclosure to the topic of girls that I'll blog/write about and then no more. I like Wo De Ai by Sun Yan Zi (Stefanie Sun!) and find it a hauntingly beautiful tune to listen to. Then again, there are a few tunes I'll share with whoever reads this before I come to a close for this post.
Normally, I'm not a purveyor to fine classical music, or even jazz for that matter. I only started to listen to the piano after hearing her play it for the first time. Of course I remember the place: Covenant Community Methodist Church (if this rings a bell, its 'the church that's inside MGS'). And when depression grips and when things do not go as expected, somehow or other, I realise the greatest solace of music that I found was in Final Fantasy Solo Piano Classical songs. Immensely sad songs with so much emotion mirred in them. "To Zanarkand" has to be one of the saddest and the Piano Solo for "Eyes on me" is just hauntingly beautiful. It is only rivaled by the Solo Piano of "Rose's Them" from The Titanic Movie Soundtrack. Its not good to listen to too much of such music, lest it causes a more severe form of depression internally...
The most meaningful songs that I've listened to, by virtue of lyrics are Luther Vandross and by Joshua Kadison. Both I guess are pretty much unknown singers in Singapore. Yet, their music just inspires. While I know most people do not bother to read song lyrics on blogs. I've just extracted the parts of the lyrics that can stand as poetry on its own:
"I'd rather have bad times with you
Than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm
Than safe and warm on myself
I'd rather have hard times together
Than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart"
- Luther Vandross - I'd Rather.
"Your my peace of mind
In this crazy world
Your everything I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You're my Mona Lisa
You're my Rainbow Skies
And my only prayer
Is that you'll realise
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes"
- Joshua Kadison - Beautiful in my Eyes.
Sometimes I feel that when you leave someone that you know that you know will be the right one for you behind for someone else to take up and to be happy and to cherish and love. And you remain "friends". Isn't it just such a token penny compared to what could have become? What difference is there if a couple breaks up and remains "friends" or things that do not work out and only allow hopefuls to be "friends". "Friends" can be that tv show, it can also be someone I've not seen for 10 years. Or someone who've I've just had a conversation with this morning. Sometimes, friends is just not enough. Its just like taking a a penny when one is offered that block of gold. Though a lifetime may not be too long to live as friends. This being it, I will write one more post about something along the lines of my two previous posts. And then, like the fading rays of the setting sun, I will close this in ite entirety. Someday we'll know. Someday. We'll know...
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